tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post2700035252692513649..comments2023-09-08T04:38:55.306-04:00Comments on The Heron Clan: Making SpaceUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-66743719629613708622012-11-04T03:01:03.538-05:002012-11-04T03:01:03.538-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.E.J.https://www.blogger.com/profile/18192296196940793025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-13655897812365546512012-10-29T08:37:44.560-04:002012-10-29T08:37:44.560-04:00I can relate to what you're describing. Mistre...I can relate to what you're describing. Mistress suffered from PTSD, and when we got our baby, the crisis of becoming a parent pushed those difficulties in to the land of irrationality and scariness. <br /><br />I didn't see it as much as space between us as I envisioned it as a place to stand on. That I needed to be grounded and have somewhere inside me to stand, to exist, so that I could still be around her even when the one who I had hanged my whole existence on disappeared into fear and hate and angry outbursts.<br /><br />It was really really difficult. The thing I recognise the most is that fear of losing intimacy and closeness, the fear of losing her completely if I didn't hang on to the roller coaster ride of her wildly swinging emotions. It was difficult to go from satellite to anchor, without losing my sense of being hers, of belonging to her.<br /><br />Therapy helped, for her. She got saner. And I realised that I was still hers, even if I did stand on my own two feet when needed. It changed our relationship, but it didn't make it worse. And for us, it didn't take away from the power exchange aspect, in the end. <br /><br />I wish you luck on your journey! <br /><br />chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14678861336738951199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-12577396062368649772012-10-28T19:11:38.726-04:002012-10-28T19:11:38.726-04:00Sue,
this resonated so strongly with me it brough...Sue, <br />this resonated so strongly with me it brought me to tears...<br /><br />your power exchange dynamic may be an extreme for many people, but i am sure that anyone in an intimate love relationship can see a reflection of themselves in these words, so beautifully crafted. <br /><br />my partner is in the depths of a depression and it is so hard to know how to be supportive whilst maintaining my own sanity in a stressful period of my own life. Thank you for sharing your experience and i echo Nyfemmegrrl's sentiment that it helps us 'strangers' out here with our own processes to know that we are not alone.<br /><br />Kindest regards<br />weirdgirlweirdgirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-74646949535827346372012-10-28T15:35:11.826-04:002012-10-28T15:35:11.826-04:00I work at making space and keeping intimacy. becau...I work at making space and keeping intimacy. because both my partner and I have our issues, it's important to be able to have own perspective. Just this weekend, I found it easier to return to a loving, closer place after a stressful time after not letting his issues hit me as strongly. He was able to do the same for me at the beginning of the weekend (we had a huge family event this weekend, which while joyful, was stressful too.) Please keep sharing about this because it's a relatively new process for me too.Nyfemmegrrlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-33618754506323948772012-10-28T11:53:11.856-04:002012-10-28T11:53:11.856-04:00I got an id so I don't accidentally become the...I got an id so I don't accidentally become the dreaded "anonymous"Mirandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14206279041514562752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-16951543721942022402012-10-28T11:37:27.314-04:002012-10-28T11:37:27.314-04:00Forgot to sign this!
MirandaForgot to sign this!<br /><br />MirandaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-68444994922066767302012-10-28T11:36:46.107-04:002012-10-28T11:36:46.107-04:00I know my situation is different from yours, but ...I know my situation is different from yours, but creating this "space" was something I also struggled with and resisted. However, I have now come to believe that it was essential to saving my marriage. It has not diminished my love for my husband. In fact, it has made it stronger because it has helped me understand that not everything that happens with him is because of me or is my responsibility. Moreover, it's helped me feel steadier about other parts of my life. (The space was actually created not just in response to marital difficulties but also a whole other set of traumas and losses.)<br /><br />This space (though my metaphor is stance rather than space) is interior. I have never felt the need to talk to my husband about it. It is just something that helps me. Again, I realize that my story and my needs are not yours. But I hope it is helpful to hear that at least one person contemplated something if not comparable at least not utterly different.<br /><br />For me, it is a sentence from D.H. Lawrence's Women in Love:<br /><br />"For she was to him what he was to her, the immemorial magnificence of mystic, palpable, real otherness."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-81853095032896677482012-10-28T10:03:01.349-04:002012-10-28T10:03:01.349-04:00Making that space is so very hard. So very much ne...Making that space is so very hard. So very much needed for you both but scary. <br />As long as your answer is YES to those questions.. then go ahead and give it a try. If forever and always is how you love him, there will be some way to work this out.<br />My heart goes out to you; I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you and for everyone.nbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12817508431335142670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18440943.post-47015868772090568832012-10-28T08:27:31.653-04:002012-10-28T08:27:31.653-04:00Hi Sue, I share your fears about making space and ...Hi Sue, I share your fears about making space and whether that pushes us apart. And yet, looking at a relationship other than my own I can see it's probably a good idea. I think the danger (for me) is that it can't be an "angry space" where I resent having had to make it and want him to resent it too. sinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00082648132476803815noreply@blogger.com