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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.

7/01/2007

Confidentiality?

OH MY GOSH!

The previous post stepped on toes over at the listserve, and now some of those folks have gotten themselves in a tizzy because they have rules about cross posting or forwarding material from the list to anyone who is not on the list... After all, the things that people write on the list are to remain "confidential."


Now. Just for the record. What was put up in the previous post was carefully edited so as to not identify anyone by name or "out" anyone. With that said, let's be clear -- there is no way that discourse in an Internet forum like an e-mail list ought to be considered to be confidential. That expectation is simply silly. It is like sitting in the middle of a crowded bar or restaurant and discussing your sex life at the top of your lungs. Creating or promulgating an expectation of privacy or confidentiality under those circumstances is foolish and fraudulent. It is a promise that cannot be reasonably made or enforced. After all, people talk with one another. People walk away from their computers and leave their screens up. People capture bits and pieces and forward them to other people. People save things in their files. All sorts of searches and sifters gather up information and funnel it here and there as fast as it appears in cyberspace. The harsh reality is that if you want something to remain confidential, you need to not put it into words on your computer screen and publish it.
A cursory search turns up simple language about internet list usage and the expectations for privacy and confidentiality within institutions and organizations like universities. One such advisory reads like this:


As Listserv Lists become more pervasive as a means of communication while
performing our daily tasks, it is important to remember that E-mail should never
be viewed as a 100% reliable and confidential means of immediate
communication.

Confidentiality -- Issues of confidentiality refer both to the sender as well as the recipient of E-mail and are influenced by the sender's habits (printing confidential mail and leaving it around), the integrity of the networks used to deliver mail and the recipient's habits
(leaving confidential mail up on their screen for others to view), none of which
should be assumed to be perfect and without flaw.


Perhaps the consternation that the folks on the listserve are experiencing over this whole business points to yet more lack of general experience. Perhaps they are crediting this poor little weblog with far more wide-reaching readership than it in fact enjoys. Perhaps they are suffering from the adolescent conceit that convinces the average 14-year-old that everyone in the world is looking directly at them at every moment. Whatever it is that goes on with these folks, their absolute insistence on controlling every aspect of their world and insisting that everyone play according to the arbitrary "rules" that they set up is really quite interesting.

Around here, there's only one person who gets to insist on that level of control... And, for the record, pretty much anything that happens in our lives and with the people that we come in contact with is fair game for this place... If what happens to us and around us gives us reason to contemplate and think about our lives and our world, expect it to show up here.


swan

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:04 AM

    haha! as long as i have been reading here (loooooonnnnggg ass time), you guys have to be my favorite. i feel like i am growing up under your wings. and i'm almost as old as you are!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous3:04 AM

    i KNOW i couldn't have said it better, and i have wondered the same thing. Being that i have literally watched a photograph taken of someone for an Adult Site, pass through only 2 additional hands before it got back to me (the person in the photograph was an acquaintence.) the WWW is small, but once those words and pictures get put up, they are fair game, and no matter how anonymous you try to remain, or how sketchy the details, someone is going to scream plagerizing or theif.... Let them, cause in my opinion, there are a hundred Jim Bob's out there screwing a thousand Mary Lou's. Let them scream slander, cause they can't prove i was talking about them...

    Well written Swan... As i have always said, you guys got your stuff together...

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  3. Anonymous12:09 PM

    That's exactly why I have two on-line accounts. When the laptop goes to work, the one with no links to the good stuff is the only one open.

    Likewise, anything remotely erotic or BDSM in my documents is place in an innocuous sounding folder then password protected.

    A very articulate statement, Swan!

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  4. When I was in high school, my mom would say that anything I wrote in my journal was private and she would not read it. But anything I wrote in a note passed to a friend was free game, she could read it because I had no way of knowing what would happen to that note once it left my hand. It could have been intercepted by another student, or by the teacher, or have fallen out of my backpack and been picked up by someone, etc. And I had no way of guaranteeing that once I'd given it to my friend they wouldn't then pass it to someone else. The internet feels like high school all over again sometimes, and it's the same thing. If you don't want it overheard, don't say it. If you don't want it read, don't write it!

    Thanks for your good wishes after our fire!

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  5. Anonymous9:24 AM

    Let me play devil's advocate for a few minutes. I did see where you did identify the person. You said *This person, who identifies as "sweetiesub" but who shall be known for the remainder of this piece as "Little Miss Know It All,* So, indeed you did identify the writer.

    I am not a member of that group, but know who she is because she uses that name in other places.

    ReplyDelete

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