Polyamory Observations #2

My Dear friend, morningstar, asked the question which we are very often asked wihich is, "how do our housing arrangements work?"
The simple answer is that we own two, basically identical (although mirror-imaged), condominiums, that are side-by-side, which we treat as one household. For us, this is so much the normal way of life that we really don't think much about it, and so it seems quite obvious. It is a bit of a stretch for us to comprehend how it must be for all of you, peering in from outside, to "picture" just how it all works. So, in this edition of my poly observations series, I'll try and make our housing arrangement a little bit clearer.

The condos really are side-by-side, at ground level. There are no stairs, and we've put stepping stones in front and out back. We can go out our front doors, or out our patios in the back, and be within about twelve feet of the doors to the other side. Those stepping stones are essentially like outside hallways, and that's exactly how we treat them. During the waking hours of our days, the doors are open, and we go back and forth between the two sides pretty much like they were one house. We keep intercoms on the counters in both kitchens, so we can call back and forth without walking from one place to the other. All of us have keys to all the doors. We use both kitchens (where we have nearly anything you could possibly want to prepare almost anything you can imagine between the two of us), all four bathrooms, both refrigerators, both stoves, both garages, the multitude of closets are full (mostly of His shoes and His clothes), we do laundry on one side, keep a major storage pantry on one side, a guest room/cat bedroom on one side, an exercise room/library on one side... You get the idea.

We often refer to "my" side and "T's" side, or the '67 side and the '69 side (a shortening of our addresses. Sometimes she jokes that her's is the "storage" condo -- where Master stores all the stuff He is not immediately using. I respond then that mine must be the "hemherroid" condo -- the place where all His piles are... We laugh a lot. Mostly those designations are "geographic so we can keep track of where people are...

The exercise room is on "my" side.

The laundry room is on "T's" side.

The guest bedroom/cat bedroom, where Prazer holds court is on "T's" side.

The BIG dining table, where we sit down to eat with crowds, is on "my" side.




And the smaller table, more suitable for just the three of us, or where we eat when we want to be near the fire place, is on "T's" side.











Of course, another question that comes up frequently is the question of who sleeps where. In the beginning of our relationship (when we were still a "quad"), we followed/used the very common poly notion of calendar driven alternative nights... where Master spent one night with T and the next with me. He actually kept notes in His planner as to which of us He'd be with from night to night, and played roaming Dominant each night. In time, He came to be very weary of being the Dominant without a room of His own, and He became increasingly resistant to being moved from place to place. He found that He never knew where His things were, or (in truth) really where He was. Too, His inclinations and sleep mode led us to eventually evolve toward a decision point: He is a snuggler and a cuddler; He likes to have His sleep partner pulled in tight, tucked in under His chin and wrapped up in His arms. He likes to throw a leg over and keep them all rolled up in a ball. It is not a sleep style for those who are claustrophobic, restless, or particularly warm-blooded. I was the one who not only tolerated that sort of thing, but actually enjoys it -- the warmer the better. Plus, I am the one who likes (sort of) to get spanked.
So, gradually, but very definitively, over time, we moved toward the point where He came to spend His nights with me, and would get up early when I would leave for school, and go snuggle in the early mornings with T. We've learned that is works best for us to make "snuggling" time for the two of them when and as they need and want it, and to recognize "sleeping" time for old folks like us for what it mostly is -- sleeping time.
When we were first three, just after my divorce, we were convinced that we wanted a BIG bed that would allow us all to sleep together. So we went out and shopped and found this king sized bed. We actually wanted something larger, but couldn't find anything. The poly "wisdom" and gold standard at the time was "three in a bed," and so that was our goal. It is a great bed. Unfortunately, we quickly discovered that we do not sleep comfortably all together in one bed. We CUDDLE quite happily in the big bed all together. WE have a great time watching TV on Sunday morning or late at night. But sleeping was not going to work. So, back to "coupled" sleeping...

That is just the tip of the iceberg of course. This evening we'll cuddle up together near the fireplace to watch the Super Bowl. We'll cheer for The Bears (in lieu of The Bengals), and T and I will privately celebrate because the Super Bowl marks the date when we are finally allowed to take down the Christmas Trees. Himself would, I think, have us keep them up all year long if He could figure out a way to justify it. Super Bowl is just the most recent latest date for taking the evil monsters down. She is a little ahead of the curve because she at least has the ornaments off of hers in anticipation.

So, that is a glimpse into the way we do it around here. It is not the way everyone might do it. Not even the way we imagined ourselves doing it in the beginning. There are times when we think about owning a single house (especially when we are hauling laundry and groceries back and forth across those "outside hallways" in the dead of winter), but there are other times when we value our spaces and our private places. All in all this works for us quite nicely.

So there, now you've had the virtual tour of The House of Heron.

swan