Polyamory Observations #5

Once you create the kind of multi-branched poly relationship that we have, you simultaneously create a multi-faceted sociological phenomenon as well.

We seem to have come with a variety of strands, attached to all kinds of other folks that we love and care for. In a couple, those strands of relatedness can get complex enough sometimes, but when you start adding more people into a "family" group that is about something more than just a little happy lustfulness, then those relationships need to be "handled." That can get sort of interesting sometimes.

I don't think that you can do this if you haven't got a pretty good set of fully operational brain cells between the bunch of you...

So, a story. Indulge me.

If you've been following along, you already know that we have Grandma and Grandpa, both in their late 80's. Grandma is well along into Alzheimer's, knowing less and less about the "real" world, or any of us all the time. We've just gotten her settled into a local nursing home in the last couple of weeks. Grandpa, who lives in an assisted living facility, is moving this weekend to a smaller apartment.

Grandpa is a fairly health guy for someone approaching 89 years of age, but managing a move is beyond his capacity -- even if that move is only one door down the hall. So, it has been necessary for us to step in and offer a significant amount of assistance, and that's where things get interesting. Our cast of characters is not what you would call "normal" -- you see. Along with a lot of much needed and welcome muscle provided by Master's 18 year old son, we've had a whole lot of help from "our ex-wife." Yes, Master's first wife, the mother of His children, pitches in and helps out when the olagers are in crisis, and works side by side with T and I to make things happen.

So, today, when it came time to wade through the "crap" in Grandpa's place; to sort out Grandma's clothes; to determine what could go to Goodwill and what could be sold on E-bay; to figure out which bits of Grandma's old jewelry might be kept for the day when daughter and/or a someday daughter in law might appreciate Grandma's pearls; there we were -- wife, slave, and "ex-wife,' working in perfect concert to get the job done (after sending Master and Grandpa off to shop for a recliner for his new place). It is really hard work, but we enjoy each other. We laugh and we chatter, and we tell stories. We do what I imagine women have always done... slip into the easy camaraderie of homely talk and silly gossip, and it is as natural as stream water over stones.

We never really talk about how that happens. Much of it is because T has worked really hard for years to create the ground for that relationship to exist. None of us really look at it very closely. It is so shimmery when it is going on that it feels as if there are unicorns in the room -- the oddest incarnation of "the three graces" ever to come into being. I can feel my mind tickling about it, but being reluctant to consider it much. I am quite sure that if we pointed directly to it, it might vaporize.

In some very odd way, another sideways benefit to our poly relatedness, is that "our ex-wife," who, in many ways, is a very prickly, difficult, seemingly lonely woman, gets a couple of sort of girlfriends to hang out with every now and then. Interesting. Amazing. Wondrous.

I am entirely sure that IF you could bring in someone to observe the whole business, and they didn't know any better, they would assume we were all sisters. On the other hand, IF you could bring in an observer who was completely cluedin to the dynamics and aware of the relationships, I very much doubt that they would believe what it is they see us do so easily and fluidly. Perhaps, that disbelief would be well founded. Maybe it really isn't all that easy. Whatever. It really is worth whatever energy we all invest in the civility, the kindnesses, the reaching out to one another, the simple thoughtfulnesses. Back and forth -- across our various connections, we are weaving a "family" that defies all the expectations, and that continually surprises even all of us.

swan