We arrived home just after noon today. Everything is going well -- much better than we dared to hope.
He is in relatively little pain, eating well, tired, but otherwise good.
We are all a bit tired, in fact, so I imagine that these next few days will be rounds of ice, pain medication, very passive and limited Physical Therapy -- and naps. Lots of naps.
swan
6/18/2011
6/17/2011
He is Good
The surgery went really well. He was done in about an hour and 15 minutes, and out of recovery by 10:30. His pain seems well controlled and all of the "plumbing" seems to be working just fine. He's tolerating crackers and His fruit flavored drink and crackers, and there does not seem to be any nausea. Vital signs are all good as well.
So. This part of the whole business is done. Now we are on to healing and eventual reahab. If everything continues to progress as expected, we should have Him home tomorrow.
swan
So. This part of the whole business is done. Now we are on to healing and eventual reahab. If everything continues to progress as expected, we should have Him home tomorrow.
swan
6/16/2011
Shoulder Replacement -- Tomorrow
The alarm clock is set for 3:45 AM. We'll get up, grab quick showers, and head for the hospital. He is to be there at 6 AM, and surgery is scheduled for 7:30. We expect the surgery to last about an hour and a half. Probably there will be another couple of hours in recovery. So, by 11 AM or Noon, we should know how the surgery went, and hopefully have Him in His room and awake.
We will let you all know how things go just as soon as we can.
swan
We will let you all know how things go just as soon as we can.
swan
6/15/2011
Walking In the Rain
Since school let out, we've been pretty consistent with our daily walks -- usually about an hour and a half during which we cover somewhere between 4 and 5 miles. We walk in the heat and we walk in the dark (with our headlamps), and today we walked in the pouring rain.
Walking gives us an opportunity to meet our neighbors as we exchange waves and smiles and the occasional quick comment about the weather. For years, we've smiled and waved with an older neighbor lady who uses some sort of scooter chair for mobility. She always has a friendly greeting and seems remarkably happy and independent in spite of the obvious challenges. We've never gotten to the point of learning her name or telling her ours -- our walking tends to limit interactions to those that can be managed without breaking stride.
About three laps into our wet and soggy walk today, we came around the curve and there, in her driveway, was our friendly neighbor lady -- trying to maneuver into her van, while holding onto her umbrella. It was obviously a struggle, and when we spotted her we immediately left our usual path and went to see if we could help somehow. She'd tied a plastic grocery bag around her head to try and keep her hair dry, and so she could hardly see. When I got to her and asked if I could help, she said, "who is that?"
Laughing, we told her that we were the crazy walking neighbors, and introduced ourselves. She smiled out from her grocery bag hat, and told us that she was "Shirley." I held the umbrella for her, and Master helped her cover the seat of her vehicle with a plastic bag so that it would be protected from the rain while she lowered it out of the van so she could get into it. She made the transfer, and we asked her what we should do with her scooter chair. She rolled her eyes, and declared that it could stay right there; it was "the old one," and maybe the rain would clean it off. Feisty lady!
We tucked her in, closed her vehicle door, and waved her on her way. We finished our walk, and went through a busy afternoon. Later this evening, we drove over by her place and checked it out. The scooter chair was gone and there was a car in the driveway, so we are guessing that Shirley made it home and is tonight warm and dry and safe at home.
swan
Walking gives us an opportunity to meet our neighbors as we exchange waves and smiles and the occasional quick comment about the weather. For years, we've smiled and waved with an older neighbor lady who uses some sort of scooter chair for mobility. She always has a friendly greeting and seems remarkably happy and independent in spite of the obvious challenges. We've never gotten to the point of learning her name or telling her ours -- our walking tends to limit interactions to those that can be managed without breaking stride.
About three laps into our wet and soggy walk today, we came around the curve and there, in her driveway, was our friendly neighbor lady -- trying to maneuver into her van, while holding onto her umbrella. It was obviously a struggle, and when we spotted her we immediately left our usual path and went to see if we could help somehow. She'd tied a plastic grocery bag around her head to try and keep her hair dry, and so she could hardly see. When I got to her and asked if I could help, she said, "who is that?"
Laughing, we told her that we were the crazy walking neighbors, and introduced ourselves. She smiled out from her grocery bag hat, and told us that she was "Shirley." I held the umbrella for her, and Master helped her cover the seat of her vehicle with a plastic bag so that it would be protected from the rain while she lowered it out of the van so she could get into it. She made the transfer, and we asked her what we should do with her scooter chair. She rolled her eyes, and declared that it could stay right there; it was "the old one," and maybe the rain would clean it off. Feisty lady!
We tucked her in, closed her vehicle door, and waved her on her way. We finished our walk, and went through a busy afternoon. Later this evening, we drove over by her place and checked it out. The scooter chair was gone and there was a car in the driveway, so we are guessing that Shirley made it home and is tonight warm and dry and safe at home.
swan
Ummmm... No
One of THOSE people left this in the comments section recently:
I am going to assume (or at least act as if I believe), for my own purposes, that this is a glaring example of failure to comprehend anything about sadomasochism as a sexual / erotic orientation. Maybe, just possibly, this poor person really doesn't understand any of this -- is confused and frightened. Let's go with that, shall we?
We live an alternative lifestyle that includes elements of BDSM and polyamory. Some of what He and I do together sexually and erotically (not all of it) falls into the category of sadism and masochism. He identifies, mostly, as sadistic and Dominant. I identify, mostly, as masochistic and submissive. When it suits us, we switch roles and I play at Top while He assumes the bottom role.
Some definitions:
BDSM encompasses a wide array of activities. Some like elaborate bondage while others engage in fire play or wax play or needle play. There are those who like humiliation, and others who enjoy resistance play, or pony play, or objectification. People do piercing and cutting and branding and kicking and punching. Some play with scat or piss or vomit. There are boot blacks and shoe fetishists. People tickle and wrap each other up in plastic wrap. Some like various forms of medical play, and others like playing with electricity. A few of us are sort of old school and, perhaps a bit boring -- we like spanking, paddling, caning, whipping and various related arts. Almost nobody gets into all of that.
As different as we are from one another; no matter the breadth of our disparate practices; the idea of consent is at the foundation of what we do. It is easy for those on the outside of the lifestyle to see sensationalized representations of our kind of sexual practices, and assume that force and coercion is somehow part of the story. Nothing could be further from the truth. BDSM partners negotiate. We talk about who we are and what we want and we design our sexual practices to suit ourselves. Whatever it might look like from the outside, it is reasonable to assume that partners are acting upon prior agreements, checking in with each other as things proceed, and creating something unique between them. We do what we do because we like it; because it gives us pleasure; because it connects and fulfills us in ways that no other type of sex can.
Within the lifestyle, it is fairly common to hear references to "vanilla's" and "vanilla sex." That is the community's way of designating the non-BDSM, so-called "normal" sex practiced in the mainstream. We generally recognize that our way isn't for everyone, and I've never met anyone in "the life" who would attempt to prescribe our kinks for anyone else. That poor frightened commenter needn't worry that the "boyf" will "beat" her, or think he "has the right to" because of us -- or because of people like us. She ought to negotiate the sort of sex life that works for her -- just as we have.
And one more thing... I am not feeling "snippy and irritable" because of our spanking play. I like spanking; crave spanking, eroticize spanking. Some BIG part of our intimate connection comes precisely because He and I are spanking regularly. What can make me grumpy and edgy is when the spanking part of our life falls away -- and yes, in recent months, we've done way less of that. Life happens and we've had a plate full, so "sex" and spanking have been less prominently part of our day to day lives. It isn't likely to get better anytime soon. He'll be in surgery on Friday morning and then we'll have weeks and months of rehabilitation and healing. It is tough to swing a flogger or a paddle when you can't move your shoulder... Busy is going to be part of the bargain for the next while; and tired; and maybe somedays even grumpy. That is just the fact. Don't look if you can't deal with my grumpiness.
swan
It's not ... endearing for adults to spank other adults to 'teach them a lesson' either. I understand why you guys are always so snippy and iritable. I would be too if my boyf beat me and thought he had the right to.
I am going to assume (or at least act as if I believe), for my own purposes, that this is a glaring example of failure to comprehend anything about sadomasochism as a sexual / erotic orientation. Maybe, just possibly, this poor person really doesn't understand any of this -- is confused and frightened. Let's go with that, shall we?
We live an alternative lifestyle that includes elements of BDSM and polyamory. Some of what He and I do together sexually and erotically (not all of it) falls into the category of sadism and masochism. He identifies, mostly, as sadistic and Dominant. I identify, mostly, as masochistic and submissive. When it suits us, we switch roles and I play at Top while He assumes the bottom role.
Some definitions:
- alternative lifestyle -- a term used to describe someone's preference to living outside the 'normal' constraints of society.
- BDSM-- an acronym that refers to a wide array of sexual and erotic practices including Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism
- polyamory -- a word coined to describe the practice of loving more than one person openly and with the knowledge of one's partners
- sadomasochism -- a term used to describe erotic activities that involve dominance, submission, or the giving and receiving of pain
- Dominant -- a person who possesses a dominating persona and enjoying taking control
- submissive -- a person who enjoys giving control over to a Dominant and derives pleasure from serving that person
- switch -- the practice of shifting between the roles of Dominant and submissive, or a person who assumes either role at different times
- Top -- generally applies to the person who assumes control during a scene, usually the one who gives or creates painful stimuli for a partner
- bottom -- generally applies to the person who surrenders control during a scene, usually the one who receives painful stimuli
BDSM encompasses a wide array of activities. Some like elaborate bondage while others engage in fire play or wax play or needle play. There are those who like humiliation, and others who enjoy resistance play, or pony play, or objectification. People do piercing and cutting and branding and kicking and punching. Some play with scat or piss or vomit. There are boot blacks and shoe fetishists. People tickle and wrap each other up in plastic wrap. Some like various forms of medical play, and others like playing with electricity. A few of us are sort of old school and, perhaps a bit boring -- we like spanking, paddling, caning, whipping and various related arts. Almost nobody gets into all of that.
As different as we are from one another; no matter the breadth of our disparate practices; the idea of consent is at the foundation of what we do. It is easy for those on the outside of the lifestyle to see sensationalized representations of our kind of sexual practices, and assume that force and coercion is somehow part of the story. Nothing could be further from the truth. BDSM partners negotiate. We talk about who we are and what we want and we design our sexual practices to suit ourselves. Whatever it might look like from the outside, it is reasonable to assume that partners are acting upon prior agreements, checking in with each other as things proceed, and creating something unique between them. We do what we do because we like it; because it gives us pleasure; because it connects and fulfills us in ways that no other type of sex can.
Within the lifestyle, it is fairly common to hear references to "vanilla's" and "vanilla sex." That is the community's way of designating the non-BDSM, so-called "normal" sex practiced in the mainstream. We generally recognize that our way isn't for everyone, and I've never met anyone in "the life" who would attempt to prescribe our kinks for anyone else. That poor frightened commenter needn't worry that the "boyf" will "beat" her, or think he "has the right to" because of us -- or because of people like us. She ought to negotiate the sort of sex life that works for her -- just as we have.
And one more thing... I am not feeling "snippy and irritable" because of our spanking play. I like spanking; crave spanking, eroticize spanking. Some BIG part of our intimate connection comes precisely because He and I are spanking regularly. What can make me grumpy and edgy is when the spanking part of our life falls away -- and yes, in recent months, we've done way less of that. Life happens and we've had a plate full, so "sex" and spanking have been less prominently part of our day to day lives. It isn't likely to get better anytime soon. He'll be in surgery on Friday morning and then we'll have weeks and months of rehabilitation and healing. It is tough to swing a flogger or a paddle when you can't move your shoulder... Busy is going to be part of the bargain for the next while; and tired; and maybe somedays even grumpy. That is just the fact. Don't look if you can't deal with my grumpiness.
swan
6/14/2011
What Would You Call ... ?
I, however, don't think that stupid equals criminal, and while I might question the ethics, integrity, and judgment of Congressman Weiner, I am not convinced that there is any legitimate reason to force him to resign his position. As the poor, foolish congressman slinks away for treatment, I just keep thinking that those of us who have spent time in the lifestyle have some experience with the sort of character that behaves as Anthony Weiner did -- the ones who send penis pictures before they even manage to say "hello." One of the best definitional pieces on these guys was written by MadSci Dom, and then re-published at Shogun Lord's Website:
"We call them Snerts. We call them HNG’s (Horny Net Geeks). We call them Wannabes. We call them Control Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and predators... Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are looking for ‘easy lays.’ They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men. They are often married. They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual screwing around... HNG’s are usually harmless. Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex... Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call ‘controlling personalities.’ They are the type of person that wants to be in control of everything around them. They want all their family and friends to behave exactly as they say. They are extremely manipulative people... As for rapists and predators, they are evil, and there is NO easy way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to total strangers. Their motive is violence."
What would you say, given that list? What would you call Anthony Weiner? Is there a description there that works to describe the actions, choices, and apparent drives and appetites of the poor fellow?
If I had to choose from that list, I'd pick the Snert. Snert's are older, although not really wiser, than their adolescent counterparts -- the HNG's. Clearly, Weiner is no kid. He is definitely old enough to know better. I don't know if he was looking for "easy lays," and I have no idea if he was trying to bolster a "flagging sex life." It does seem that he wasn't trying to establish deep and lasting relationships with women for whom he had great respect.
Yeah, I'd say that, if Anthony Weiner were "one of us" lifestylers, he'd be quickly and definitively labeled a "Snert:" out looking for "easy lays" (because there's an app for that).
swan
6/13/2011
Since I've Started Down This Path
On Saturday afternoon, I went to the local big box hardware store to buy some chain. I needed four 12-foot lengths of chain to complete the hanging of the porch swing (some may remember that the attempt to put that swing up last summer ended rather badly). The place was wildly busy with people all over the place. I waited for probably 15 minutes or so for the beleaguered employee working the area to finish helping a couple of other customers who were there ahead of me. He apologized all over the place when he got to me, and went right to work dealing with a tangled up mess of metal links that was, predictably, the sort of chain that I needed for my project. We chatted pleasantly about his plans to get away for the day on Sunday, and things were proceeding just fine. Then, from the other end of the aisle, a woman approached; stuck herself in front of my nice chain guy; and demanded to know where she could find some sort of rubber end caps that could be put over the ends of screws. Not an "excuse me," or even a polite nod to the fact that I was standing there, and no acknowledgment of the fact that the employee was busy -- just her self-absorbed requirement that her needs be met NOW. I glared, but said nothing, and my guy (good retail service employee that he was), patiently pointed her back down the aisle and explained that she would find what she was looking for in the fourth drawer from the bottom. Off she went, and we went back to our business. Pretty quickly though, she was back having found a small plastic envelope of small black rubber washer-like rings.
"Will these keep my shutter screws from rusting?" she asked, thrusting her find into his face.
He once again, apologized to me, and then tried to explain to her that these would not prevent rust as the water could still get to the screw. He told her of some other product that would work better for what she needed, and told her on which store aisle she would find what she needed. Unbelievably, she put her hands on her hips, stuck out her chin, and said, "I can't figure that out. You need to come show me."
At that point I'd had enough. My drop dead glare was obviously not making the point, and so I asked her, "Lady, did you ever finish kindergarten?" Well that caused her to wheel around and snarl -- "What?!?!" And so I patiently explained to her that I knew that it would be kindergarten where she might have learned to wait in line and take her turn. Predictably, she got furious; threw her baggie of black rubber thingys at my feet, turned on her heel and stomped off the way she'd come.
I got my chains, thanked my nice young helper, and headed for the checkout.
Whatever you think about that story, here's my point: That woman assumed that everyone owed her a level of respect and courtesy -- but felt no compunction about trampling everyone else in that regard. Her face to face behavior is illustrative of the mindset that powers the commonplace response that I get whenever I confront bad behavior on the part of anonymous commenters. They will, when called for their behavior always come back exactly as our most recent specimen did on that last post:
Amazing. Someone who spends good chunks of their time wandering around the blogosphere leaving nastiness in their wake, feels entitled to "nice" treatment from those they would victimize. That would be funny if it were not so pathetic. What it does do is identify that the anonymous types know what polite behavior entails. Clearly, then, the move to be uncivilized is the result of a deliberate choice and not an error born of ignorance.
swan
"Will these keep my shutter screws from rusting?" she asked, thrusting her find into his face.
He once again, apologized to me, and then tried to explain to her that these would not prevent rust as the water could still get to the screw. He told her of some other product that would work better for what she needed, and told her on which store aisle she would find what she needed. Unbelievably, she put her hands on her hips, stuck out her chin, and said, "I can't figure that out. You need to come show me."
At that point I'd had enough. My drop dead glare was obviously not making the point, and so I asked her, "Lady, did you ever finish kindergarten?" Well that caused her to wheel around and snarl -- "What?!?!" And so I patiently explained to her that I knew that it would be kindergarten where she might have learned to wait in line and take her turn. Predictably, she got furious; threw her baggie of black rubber thingys at my feet, turned on her heel and stomped off the way she'd come.
I got my chains, thanked my nice young helper, and headed for the checkout.
Whatever you think about that story, here's my point: That woman assumed that everyone owed her a level of respect and courtesy -- but felt no compunction about trampling everyone else in that regard. Her face to face behavior is illustrative of the mindset that powers the commonplace response that I get whenever I confront bad behavior on the part of anonymous commenters. They will, when called for their behavior always come back exactly as our most recent specimen did on that last post:
you snipe and whine and were rather ugly
Amazing. Someone who spends good chunks of their time wandering around the blogosphere leaving nastiness in their wake, feels entitled to "nice" treatment from those they would victimize. That would be funny if it were not so pathetic. What it does do is identify that the anonymous types know what polite behavior entails. Clearly, then, the move to be uncivilized is the result of a deliberate choice and not an error born of ignorance.
swan
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