New Whip

He ordered a new whip on Wednesday. It was delivered yesterday. In terms of craftsmanship, it is a lovely piece; a 12-plait bullwhip that I'd guess is somewhere around six feet long. It is way scarier looking than the signal whip that has been my "whip nemesis" until now -- longer, heavier, longer...

It is a whip. It scares me to death. From the moment it came out of the packaging, it loomed in my imagination -- larger and larger, until by the time I woke up this morning, I could hardly breathe for the anxiety building inside me over that whip.

I experience whip "play" as terribly frightening. It is, for me, awesomely isolating; leaving me to feel as if I am completely separated by the necessary distance between He and I. The pain that the whip inflicts is searing, cutting, unpredictable. It lacks rhythm and balance. It gets into my head and drives me very quickly to the edge of the place where I can "hold on" and react reasonably. I know that the whip dissolves my strength and resolve very quickly.

He, on the other hand, awakened today with an inclination to play gently and sexually, in a mood to try and find some way to give me pleasure. He was not particularly intent upon using the new whip just yet -- was feeling as if He needs time to practice with it. I was so wound up, that there was no way to get me calmed down enough to "enjoy" anything. Ultimately, He decided that until we got over the first encounter with the new whip, I was going to continue to obssess over the thing to my detriment.

So.

Sweating, hyperventilating, shivering, I went face down over the pillow, clutching my "fluffy" blanket, prepared for the absolute worst.

He used it very gently, letting the thong fall mostly by its own weight, for fewer than a dozen strokes. Ended as quickly as it began. Nothing at all intense. Way easier than a session with the signal whip. Some minor striping that very quickly faded.

Leaving me curious. Curious about what playing with this whip will end up being like -- maybe less intense than the signal whip? Really? Could it be?

And just like that, I flipped from terror to curiosity.

swan