Ten Years

It was ten years ago, at the turning of the new year, that Tom and T and my former husband and I made the decision to join our lives and form a polyamorous family.  It was, for a decision of such moment, a relatively quiet and simple conversation.  With that settled, I flew back to Denver with my husband -- and we all began to plan.

In the beginning, the planning was pretty nebulous.  We'd said "yes" to the idea of getting together, but we had left the details completely unspecified.  Things like the when or how -- were left for later.

Now, a decade later, I cannot help but wander back in memory, and put a metaphorical arm around that younger version of myself...  She was so hopeful, so amazed at how her life was turning out, so willing to believe, so trusting, so unafraid, so very much in love...  I know the rough path that lies ahead of her, and I envy the naive simplicity of her.  If I could talk to that woman who was me, I wonder what it is that I could say.  I know I wouldn't discourage her; would never try to dissuade her from the adventure that is still ahead of her.  I guess I would just give her a hug, hold her tight, set her on her way with whatever I could give her by way of lucky talismans and some magic spell for bravery.

Tonight, in the final days of this January, I am faced into my own future, and I am just as clueless as I was all those many years ago.  I do not know where life leads me from here.  I am surely older, and the shine has been rubbed off.  I have my fair share of dings and dents.  I am still very much in love, and I remain hopeful.  I wonder if there isn't some 67 year old version of me looking back on this night -- and reaching across the years to hold me and endow me with the gifts that might carry me through what is to be?  I believe there just might be.

Sue