It was a week ago; before our lives took such a turn, and before all of our attention and energy and emotion became (rightly) invested in helping Master's mother through her last few days.
I had a short break in my teaching schedule, and so I stopped to check my email. There I found this short message from Him:
I want to spank you. I want to spank you thorougly. I want to blister you. I am having trouble thinking about much else. It would be good if that lead to successful sex.....or if not....that's OK too.
I love you so much and I want you.
Mine always and all ways...
End of rational thought. End of focus on the teaching that was planned for that day. End of my ability to be coherent about geometry, or the nature of cell biology, or the rise and spread of Islam and how that might have fed into the Crusades... That sort of email wrecks the ability to concentrate.
My stomach did that funny little flip thing and I could feel the heat begin to rise in my loins. My breath caught, and all I truly wanted was to pack up my things and head straight home... At 9:45 in the morning. Surely my children would all just talk quietly among themselves? Yes?
No chance.
But I soared through the day, breathless and eager to get home to Him. The pure simple knowledge that He wanted me was tonic for my spirit... Because we have struggled so, and it has not been easy between us. I KNOW that He loves me. That much is not in doubt, but in the dark corners of my mind, I can begin to worry and wonder if He still wants me.
That little "date" did not happen. Life took a difficult turn. Life is like that. We do what we always do, and hold each other, and care for each other, and behave like adults. The "playful" bits of our life must sometimes be put on hold for another time. Of course.
Still, I will hold onto that email from a week ago, and know for a certainty what it meant and what it means.
swan
