We are so in between in terms of our relationship to our Blog and so much in our life/lives.
Let me give you highlights:
I am today 482 days sober and can no longer imagine life on any other terms. I am enjoying life in an alternative consciousness: sobriety. When one has been pretty much drunk and or stoned since one was a mid teenager then sobriety is a whole new exciting disorienting way to view the universe.....exciting, new, fun and good. Not only am I sober, but today, I am also grateful that I am sober, if not for the means of intervention that were used to get me here, but that is minor compared to the fact I am sober.
For the most part I do not think about my sobriety, or about drinking. My life has become remarkably non-alcoholcentric. I think about all the major and minor aspects of my/our daily life/lives. Alcohol rarely if ever gets onto the menu of my consciousness since my probation was terminated in early March. Until then the requirement that I attend two weekly AA meetings and a weekly aftercare support group, kept me focusing on alcohol. For me the best thing that ever occurred to facilitate my recovery has been the freedom to quit AA.
We are all moving forward, t in her recovery from the loss of her mom, and sue down to the completion of yet one more school year and struggling to figure out what our relationship is evolving to become in the aftermath of the last two years, and I as I now have begun to collect pension and social security and am officially retired and ergo, I suppose, "really" old.
We have, all three of us, undergone shamanic soul retrievals in the last month. My initial process of retrieval and aftermath session are completed. Sue has her aftermath session this week and t just had her retrieval last week. It is not useful to share too much by way of details about this until the initial processes are completed, but we will no doubt come to write more about it when the time is full. I can say that for me it has made spirituality become real. This has never occurred before in my life. It is ironinc that after sitting through weekly AA meetings ending in the Lords Prayer for a year and a half I found serendipitously (if serendipity exists apart from syncronicity) a link to what is likely to become my spiritual exploration. Suddenly things that have always seemed silly and "woo woo" are seminal to my reality. We are, all three of us, planning to attend an educational weekend exploring shamanic journeying in August.
Oh yes and in a rather mundane but I suppose quite serious front too, one month from tomorrow I will undergo a total knee replacement surgery.
There is so much to write about all this, but too, I need to await more distance in terms of space from our soul retrieval reintegration, and just in trying to sort out what and who it is we now are.
That lends itself to our ambiguity about this Blog. This Blog has been our life line and our link to friends and our forum to exorcise demons, and our chronicle, and a thousand other purposes for seven years. Who we were when we began, and in particular who I was then, is dead and is in the process of recreation. We love going back and reading here and can so relate to the angst we shared here. Often, as we reread it, it has the ring of some former life or a very poignant cinematic representation of our history. It is not us in the present.
Sue has questioned if it is possible to continue to append our on-going reality onto this blog forum, or if perhaps we should draw a line here and decree this stage of our existence complete, and, just as we did with our beriatric surgery Blog, The Herons Transforming, create a new sister Blog which can chronicle our lives' progression forward from here. I don't know which we will do.
I know we will go forward. I am certain our future will continue to involve shamanic spirituality, and BDSM, and power exchange, and polyamory, and love, and struggle, and honesty. I am certain too that those same elements were woven together to create the tapestry that is reflected here previous to this is likely not much like what is to come.....but we shall see.
I know that there appears to me, and to us, to be aspects of the earlier chapters of both BDSM and ployamory dynamics that we lived through that today seem immature and unsophisticated, even as we know how engrossingly they enthralled us at the time. I know our direction forward now is not nearly so definite as it was when my vision of the future was what was important to us all. My vision is not so much the driving force nor is it clear.
So if we seem "in between" you are reading us accurately. We will come through this phase and I am sure this summer, whether in additions to this Blog or a new one (this one will remain here to be seen in either case), we will become more expressive once again and I hope more interesting.
Thank you so much for the friendship so many here have so careingly and loyally given us as they have supported us on our journey.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined.