Last week, as the Supreme Court heard arguments on California's proposition 8 and the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the modified, red marriage equality logo went viral on social media. An amazing number of people turned my Facebook feed red, expressing their support for the idea that people ought to be able to marry and form families without facing discrimination.
Of course, predictably, the advocates for fairness and gender neutrality with regard to marriage rights wanted nothing to do with arguments for the same fairness for those of us who are denied the right to marry based on the number of our loves.
I am thrilled that there may be a day in the not very distant future when LGBTQ people will be able to marry; to enjoy all the same rights and benefits as heterosexuals do. I am distressed that those same LGBTQ folks are willing to throw those of us who love in multiples "under the bus." I understand the "slippery slope" argument that has been used for years and years to derail the fight for equal access to marriage, but I cannot understand why those who have had to fight that battle would leave others behind rather than confront the fallacy of that "slippery slope" logic.
Even harder to comprehend is the view among some in the poly community that "we" don't actually want the right to marry anyway. They reason that since poly is about changing and challenging the social norms, there is no need for us to choose to marry; to accept the views of society about how intimate relationships might be structured. I can follow the argument, and I'll grant that to those who feel that way, but they do not speak for me.
I would marry if I could. I would be glad for the legal status and the legal protections. I would be happy to stand in the public eye and be able to openly claim my life and my loves without having to fear the potential for legal consequences along with the loss of my livelihood. I doubt that will ever happen in my lifetime. There is too much embedded cultural bias. Too much cultural momentum to ever be turned around.
There will be legalized same-sex marriage throughout this country. It is coming, and the change may happen soon. But it will remain an institution reserved to "one" and "one."