Safe Words in Adult Consensual Spanking: Pain is not Harm

 Let’s talk about what is entailed in an agreement between adults to participate in a spanking experience, with a particular focus on the (often misconstrued) concept of the “safeword”.

A spanking experience is an intentionally inflicted crisis in the form of slaps, blows, strikes of some sort administered to someon’s buttocks resulting in pain.  We are most of us aware that in history spanking was administered by adults to children as disciplinary punishment.  Less well known spanking was widely used as a means of punishing adults in servitude, penal environments etc.  We have also seen an increasing awareness of adults who engage in consensual spanking experiences in the interest of sensual erotic or psychological gratification.  It also goes without much in depth thought that a spanking transaction, whether as part of a lifelong relationship or a one time encounter, requires there must be a partner who administers spanking (i. e.,  the Top partner) and a partner who is spanked (i. e.  the bottom partner).  Inherent to painfully striking another or to being painfully struck by another is risk of harm or injury.

All my thought about practicing adult consensual spanking is underpinned by the assumption that spanking partners, whether Top or bottom, are to have their risks of harm minimized while they are engaged in spanking.  Both partners consent to partcipate in spanking relies on this assurance to protect each other’s safety.

So far we have found, and agreed that adult consensual spanking is the agreement of two adults that one adult will spank the other.  That spanking will result in pain experienced by the bottom partner.  There will be effort to assure that despite this intentionally inflicted and intentionally accepted painful experience both partners will, to the degree possible, be kept free from harm as a result of this spanking.

I realize I may seem to be going on and on about obvious points.  Please hang in with me.

So the bottom partner is going to intentionally submit to pain in the form of spanking.  When one experiences pain, the natural human response is to attempt to end or lessen that pain, or to object to that pain.

People being spanked will frequently reach back to block blows, or attempt to move away from the ability of the Top to reach them, or object, demand a halt to the spanking, or beg the Top to stop spanking them to lessen or end the pain they are in.  These behaviors are all reflective of the bottom partner’s growing degree of crisis experienced as the spanking progresses.  It is important to recall that both parties to the spanking have agreed to intentionally create this crisis.

An important protection in terms of spanking partners avoiding harm is the “safe word”.  The safe word is a mutually agreed upon signal word, for example “giraffe” that both partners agree will, if it is uttered by the bottom during the spanking, halt the spanking, so the bottom’s unsafe situation can be remedied before the spanking resumes, if in fact it is even possible for the spanking to resume safely.

 Pain, resulting from spanking, is not harm.   If one is undergoing spanking and they can’t breathe, have chest pains, their legs or arms go numb, they lose vision, or hearing, or start to lose consciousness, it is totally imperative they must use their safe word signal.  The spanking must halt and whatever is necessary to remedy the situation must be done……..even if emergency medical services must be called.   If much more likely, the ongoing spanking results in steadily building pain, distress, this crisis is the exact crisis intentionally and consensually agreed to at its outset.  It is not unsafe.  The crisis through which one passes during an adult consensual spanking is the very stimulus that is the pathway to sacred sexuality.

I have been amazed at the proliferation of popular “Zen Spanking” websites on the net that purport to discuss spanking as a means to Tantric sex, almost all of whom encourage erstwhile spanking partners they don’t have to worry any spanking they get will hurt “too much”, because they will have a “safeword.”  All they have to do if their spanking becomes uncomfortable, is call out “red!”……...the spanking will halt.  They even explain that they, the bottom partners, are always in control of their spankings.  Thus, the Top partner is simply pretty much non-interactant in the process.  The pain and distress a bottom partner experiences during a spanking is not harm.  It is precisely the experience both partners agreed to collaboratively create.

Thus defined, control that the bottom retains thwarts the very dynamic that Sacred Sexuality requires.  It is in passing through the pain, the loss of control, the vulnerability, a spanking entails that releases one to sacred sexual union.

Safe words are vital to protect bottom partners from harm.  They are not a means to enable bottom partners to prevent their surrendering control during spankings.  Surrender of control, i. e., power exchange is a keystone of sacred sexuality.

Tom the Heretic