Who Cares?

Someone named john made this comment to Master's post (Recent Troubling Issues) about the disclosures of dishonesty on another Blog : "Isn't it the great work that only counts. And not a couple of stupid people giving money she didn't even wanted ?Who cares ?"

I guess the point of that comment is that there really isn't any reason to hold someone accountable for behavior online; no grounds for expecting people who write in this vein to hold themselves to any standards, and really no basis for us as a "community" to have any kind of ethical code by which we measure ourselves or each other.

I find that sort of thinking to be sad at the very least and dangerous for our "corporate" well-being in general.

My thinking about this falls into a number of different categories. Let me see if I can break it down...

As a first principle, it is my belief that what we put forward publicly here has impact beyond our own lives. This medium takes our words beyond what mere private journaling might do, and sends them out into the public realm. Whatever disclaimers we might make, we all write, at some level, for a public audience. I don't believe public speech ought to be censored by outside entities. I do think that it ought to be understood that it carries with it certain responsibilities. When we speak in public, we are responsible for what it is we say, and we ought to consider the ramifications of that on those who will "hear" what it is that we communicate.

I remember very vividly my own first tentative steps into the arena of BDSM. When I began tryng to find the answers to the basic questions about what this was and who I was in relationship to it, I had no models and no measures by which to gague any of the information I was able to gather. I found some good advisors and informants, and I found a few terrible crackpots. Often they looked a lot alike. The latter crowd, with their foolishness and fantasy, made my journey toward self-discovery very much more difficult than it needed to be as they diverted me into side streets and byways that I need not have traveled.

Always, when I sit down to write of my own experiences, I try to remember that at any given moment, there may be someone who is reading my words and trying to use what I have written to construct a map of their own for their own first journey into unknown territory. That is an awesome responsibility. I can't imagine that what I have to offer is of any use to anyone, but at least I believe that what I put out is as truthful as I can make it. Pick it up and carry it off at your peril, but know that it is the real thing.

Too, I am convinced that each of us, in our personal conduct, reflects on our relationships. How we comport ourselves shows who we are and how we are. My conduct in this part of my life, as in all my other interactions, reflects not only on me, but on the One who owns me. For me to put less than my very best out here dishonors us both. What I write here is at His command. It is my own truth. If there are to be stories of any sort here, then they will be clearly labeled as such, and I'd hope I'd do that well enough to entertain you and honor Him in the doing.

Then there is the business of how we are perceived in the wider community, and how we view ourselves. Are we people of honor? Integrity? Honesty? Can we be trusted? Do we keep our word? Are we good, open, straightforward folks that can be relied upon? There are enough biases about kinky people already. I don't think we need to lay on a patina of dishonesty and subterfuge over the top of that already skewed view. If we are, as a group of people with alternative lifestyle orientations, ever to gain places of acceptance and tolerance in the wider society, we need to understand that we have some responsibility for identifying and correcting errors in our own ranks. To mislead and defraud others for whatever personal motivations is simply wrong, and we ought to have the guts to say so. Likewise, we ought to have the grace to then back off and allow for whatever "rehabilitation" there might be for the culprit.

Finally, part of the reason for doing this, at least for some of us -- at least for me, is the need to create connection with other like minded people. This is a vehicle for making social network. I come to rely on some of the people that I encounter in this exercise to be "friends." Perhaps I will never meet any of my readers and correspondents in real life, but I value the linkages just the same. I don't maintain a vast list of contacts, but the ones I do keep in touch with are important to me. I want to believe that those that have presented themselves in this way are at least to some degree what they say they are. If we cannot believe in and trust one another at some intrinsic level, then the fabric of our relatedness is fundamentally jeopardized, and the whole basis for this sort of interaction begins to fray. For those of us who must, necessarily, live rather hidden lives, that is a great loss. To say that deliberate dishonesty on the part of some does no harm, is simply not true.

So... I will not pile on. I made my judgement about the Blog in question long ago, and elected not to join in the throng that worshipped at that altar. I'll not deny the great talent in the writing and the art that pours forth there. I'll simply deny that the inherent dishonesty is a thing that has effected no harm. That is not reality. We will never be able to measure the extent to which the lies and subterfuge have damaged the net that links us all... I care about that. I care a very great deal.

swan