Words -- Master/slave, Ownership, Power Exchange

Words.

As long as I have done this, people have wrestled and wrangled over the meanings and definitions of terms and words. There's a raging debate going on about the nature of "true" Dominance and submission on a list that I read right now. Another conversation is trying to sort out the differences, if there are any, between "Owners" and "Masters" and "Daddys."

I am of a mixed mind about this. I believe that words have power. Words can shape our thinking and our perceptions. I like words that can be used with precision and intention to structure meaning. I think that we use words to communicate, and that when we are clear about what we mean when we use a particular word or expression, it makes it easier for us all to talk reasonably about what it is that we do. On the other hand, I've seen the labels used far too often as clubs to bash people over the head, create stratification, elevate gurus, and solidify factionalization where there didn't need to be any. So, I know that words can be used to harm. So, here's some of what I've been thinking about some of those kinds of things:

I dislike "One-True-Way-Ism." Whether we are talking about BDSM, or religion, or politics, or cooking, or fitness, or fishing, or how to sort socks, I hate it when someone tries to tell me that their way is THE way and my way is therefore, by definition, not THE way. My way (or more correctly, His way) is THE way for me, and if you have some issue with that, then I don't actually have any reason to waste my breath talking to you. I am continually bemused, as I read and converse with people in "cyberia" who have a few months of experience (maybe), and then put themselves out as the judge of everything and everyone. If there is one thing that I've learned along the way, it is that I know way more questions than I do answers at this point. About all I can offer, by way of wisdom, for the most part anymore, is a series of inquiries into what people have tried, what they've found so far that works and doesn't work, and where they would like to explore next... beyond that, I'm happy to share stories, always with the caveat that it is all "MY" story, and may have nothing at all to do with anyone else's experience or reality.

He and I say that what we do is Master/slave. That is the description of our relational power dynamic that seems to fit. It is not a thing that we set out to create or achieve. It is something that evolved for us as we spent time together. We came, over time, to accept that description of what was the reality between the two of us. Our M/s dynamic is, generally, very informal, without many specific protocols, although there are situations where we are much more formal with one another. I refer to Him in writing as "Master" mostly because it is simple. At home, I use His name, or I call Him "Sir," or "Dear" or "Honey." We seldom use the term "Owner," although He will express that T and I are "His" or "His property." Clearly, there is an understanding of ownership within our dynamic.

I'm not sure exactly what the delineation between "Owner" and "Master" is. If I check the definitions, I find that an owner has the right of possession or title, whereas the word master seems to imply a level of expertise or skill or finesse -- as in master swordsman, headmaster, masterpiece... When I consider the two in that context, it makes the two words fit our dynamic like layers. He "owns" me in the sense that He has the right of possession over me, and He is my Master because He has the skills and knowledge that is required to manage the complex and challenging process of shaping, managing, and maintaining me (optimally) in His service.

For us, it began and remains about the power exchange -- the energy that flows between and through us when we consciously and deliberately take our individual and collective power and choose how to use it for our mutual pleasure and benefit. We channel that and balance it and work with it together. It takes awareness and understanding and deliberate choice. It is about creating intentional inequities that spark the flow of energy and drive our desires forward. It is powered by our continual care for one another and scaffolded by our trust in ourselves and in each other.

swan