SHOULDbe handled in a particular way. I've written out here in the blog universe for a long time, and I've "met" lots of people that I consider friends and companions -- AND, on any given day I will take exception if someone wanders into my space and sounds judgmental about what He and I do inside our relationship.
A long time ago, we encountered a lifestyle know-it-all who got into a wrangle with Master about the use of safe words. She was quite sure that she knew how it SHOULD be done, and there was no convincing her that her way wasn't the "only" way. We eventually gave it up, but I came away with a set of personal principles that I intended to put into practice in my own dealings with BDSM and kink. I think that bit might be worth sharing here again...
- When someone says this is what I/we do, or this is how I/we am/are, I'll try to remember to listen carefully and openly. I'll watch myself for strong reactions that may lead me to make judgements that are grounded in my own biases and fears.
- I'll speak (and write), when I speak, respectfully and gently. I'll try to remember that the tone of my words can invite and welcome others to dialog -- or create distance and dissension.
- I'll be mindful that my experience is limited. I'll keep in mind that I am a learner, and that there may be others who have experiences that are beyond what I have seen, tried, experienced, or contemplated. When I encounter something new, I will recognize that I am seeing something that is outside my experience. I will feel free to explore and question things that I do not know or understand, but I will try to avoid moving to condemn or judge based on my own limitations.
- I'll understand that not everyone lives, practices, plays, or relates in the same ways as I do. I will assume that there will be some "ways" that will be outside of the boundaries of my comfort zone. When that occurs, I will understand that I may choose to not participate or endorse without any need to attack or tear down.