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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


This comment just came through on the Celebrations post:

I wonder
if that is important, and
if he has spanked you lately, and
if I am childish for even asking. :)

There it is -- that knack that readers here seem to have of going right to the heart of the things that we DO NOT say, and forcing us to tell the truth.

Truth.  No.  He has not spanked me lately.  Really not since this all began.  There have been a couple of pretty sad tries.  Neither of us seem to be in the right space, although we sometimes dance around the topic with one another -- testing the waters maybe.

Is it important?  In the grand scheme of things, probably not.  We have a lot facing us just now.  On an emotional level, for the sake of our intimate lives together, it feels important to me.  Right now though, we are in a medical health crisis.  We didn't spank after my appendectomy.  We didn't spank after His knee replacement.  We didn't spank through the long weeks after His bariatric surgery, when He was hooked to the wound vacuumn, and just working to stay alive.  We've had periods of time when serious things forced us to put the spanking part of our lives on hiatus.  I need to believe that this is one of those times.  I need to believe that, as healing happens and wellness comes to be the norm, we'll find our way back to that part of our sexuality.

As for it being childish to ask, I don't know.  It is some significant part of what makes us "us."  I don't blame anyone for wondering if we really still are the people we claimed to be for so many years.  The problem is that I really don't know the answer to that question yet.



  1. Certainly, what you, I, all of us do in our intimate relations is part of who we are, and part of our relationships as a whole. But only part. And it's not that you "claimed to be" something that perhaps you're not - or aren't any more. All relationships evolve - which I know I don't have to tell you. They adjust to temporary life shifts and they change on a longer scale as well, as we ourselves change. It's the ability to evolve and adjust that allows our relationships to survive.

    For you, as for any of us, there is no way of knowing how we will be living in 6 months, or a year, or 5 years, or 10. But the changes that we make, the shifts in behaviour, whether temporary or permanent, don't mean that how we were before was false.

    You've all had so much pain in your lives, especially in the last year or so. I admire you so much for hanging on through it all, for riding those waves that threaten to crash you against the rocks, for patching your wounds, and continuing to seek calmer waters.


  2. In relationships, as in life, nothing is static. nothing stays exactly the same, change is constant. Our relationships are dynamic, fluid, constantly in motion, just as we are. I caution against making sweeping declarations and generalities about all that has gone before and all that is still to come, based on what is happening here in this present moment. Right now is right now, does not mean the past was not truth, and does not mean the future will be like right now. The present simply is. Never fear, tomorrow will be sufficient unto itself.
    Life is good.



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