What Does a Girl Have to Do?

Have I mentioned, or have you noticed?

• I am crazy in love with Himself...
• I am masochistic to my toes...
• I get off on a good spanking...
• I try, really hard, to behave myself...
• Sometimes, I'm not entirely sure what "behaving myself" might really look like...
• I don't want to be a nuisance, a pest, a bother, a nag, or a chore...
• I tend to over think things...

Yup.  All true.  Add to all of that a bit of relational tentativeness; a bit of uncertainty, and things get, ummmmmmm... complicated.

We've been caught in a complicated backwash for the last few weeks.  He is through the first, acute phase of recovery from His knee replacement surgery.  The first three months are an intense period of physical therapy, and slowly decreasing dependence on pain medication.  There are good days and bad days, but no really "normal" days in the first three months.  The prosthetic is still foreign, strange, not "at home," and it takes time to learn how to rely on it comfortably.  And then, about 12 weeks out from the surgery, things start to settle and feel more normal.  It is easier to get through daily activities, and life begins to spin back into a reasonable routine again.

Remember that last summer He had a total reverse shoulder replacement.  We knew that He needed to have a fully functioning shoulder to be able to negotiate the mobility issues of the knee replacement -- using a walker and a cane for weeks and weeks...  That was the RIGHT shoulder -- his spanking arm.  The medical professionals were careful to tell us that it takes a full year to gain full use of the arm after a replacement.  As the shoulder rehabbed, there were stages regarding His ability to spank:

1. No right hand spanking at all -- left handed only
2. Some very limited spanking with His right hand, but nothing heavy, and not for very long before the shoulder would start to ache
3. Longer and longer periods of spanking with the right arm, but unable to "swing" anything like a flogger or a strap
4. Slowly, over weeks and months, regaining strength, flexibility, and range of motion

We had really just gotten back into some kind of revived and renewed spanking play when it was time for the knee replacement, and a summer dedicated to rehab and recovery.

There has been what you might call a spanking hiatus in our house -- a really, really, really looooooong spanking hiatus.

I'm a grown up, and I get that, in life, things have their place, and the sexy, fun, exciting stuff must sometimes be put away for a season, or two, or three...  A spanking "hunger" does not, after all, lead to starvation.

Now, though, we are through the first months of healing.  He is a week or two away from the end of physical therapy.  He is back to riding His bike and back to walking some.  He is feeling better and better, and I have been anticipating the resumption of THAT part of our lives together.

Oh, but, it isn't that simple.  From my perspective, it was way easier when He wanted to spank ALL of the time.  I never worried that, by asking for a spanking, I was imposing on Him; never felt that it was some kind of obligation or chore that I was laying on Him.  If anything, in those days, I most often worried about how to string together enough "non-spanking" days to heal up between sessions.  Here, lately though, I've wondered how to make it clear that I am ready and willing without creating a demand. Under those circumstances, my brain begins to play games with me.  The pretty steady internal question has been, "What does a girl have to do to get a spanking around here?"  I have begun to compile a mental list of behaviors that might lead to the spanking that I so desperately crave -- without tipping over into some hideous and awful "punishment" thing. Sigh.

Finally, this week, in an IM during the day, I just told Him that.  Exactly that:  That I'd been wondering what I needed to do to get spanked, and that I had a growing list of behaviors that I thought might work the trick. I can't remember exactly what His response was in the moment, but I do know this -- we've had a spanking weekend.  Good sessions both days, and I have a very, very ouchy backside to show for it.  Ain't love grand?

swan