Stranger and Stranger

I have, over the last two weeks, been beset with uncomfortable and scary symptoms that have seemed to be related to my heart.  Beginning on the afternoon of May 10, I have had a variety of irregular heart beat rhythms, skipped beats, achy chest pain, shortness of breath, light-headedness, and sweaty and clammy spells.  I have been twice to the emergency room, and spent last weekend in the hospital undergoing a number of tests to try and determine what might be wrong.  Although no one has been able to detect any sort of heart problem; no damage; no blockage; and no structural defect, I have undeniably had persistent and troublesome symptoms.

In the hospital, I was prescribed a medication to try to regulate my heart rhythms.  Even though I tend to have pretty low blood pressure, I was told to take this blood pressure medication ... which, quite naturally, lowered my blood pressure and slowed my pulse.  Through much of the last week, my blood pressure was measuring in the neighborhood of 80/40, and my pulse was, typically, about 62.  I have spent the week feeling exhausted, droopy, as if someone had "drained my tank."  Then, starting about Wednesday, I began to feel seriously depressed -- angry, weepy, sad, and very fatalistic about my future.  A quick check, via an Internet search, showed that all of those symptoms were likely a response to the medication.  As for the irregular heart rhythms, they decreased for a few days, but then returned just as intensely by mid-week.

I finally got to see a cardiologist yesterday afternoon.  He is the same doctor that Tom has seen over the years, and he is very good.  Waiting in the examining room for him to come in, my cell phone rang, and I heard the tone indicating that someone had left a voice mail.  Do remember that.  It becomes significant in just a bit.  The doctor, when he came in to talk with us, was clearly baffled by my continuing symptoms.  I have never smoked (ANYTHING).  I have no issues with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes.  There is very little of a family history of heart disease.  I exercise and am active in my work life.  My level of risk for heart disease is not zero, but it is certainly not very high.  Every test shows that there is nothing wrong with my heart.  We discussed the unpleasant side-effects of the medication, and he advised me to wean myself off of that.  Finally, without much sense of urgency or conviction, he suggested that we schedule an angiogram in a couple of weeks.  His thinking was that if the symptoms subside, we could cancel the test, but if they continue, it might be good to check things out.  And that was that.  We left the office and headed out to the car.

As Tom drove us toward home, I checked the voice mail on my phone.  It was my son, calling to tell me that his father (my ex-husband) had just had a stress test and was, at that moment, undergoing heart bypass surgery.  I was stunned.  I don't have any contact with the man I once married, and I had no idea that he was having heart trouble.  Too, in that instant, I realized that my own heart rhythms had settled down -- no skippy beats, and no heavy sensation in my chest.  For the first time in two weeks, I was feeling good, normal, fine!

Later in the evening, I called my son back, and got a bit more of the story.  It seems that his dad first began having acute symptoms of heart trouble exactly two weeks ago... at precisely the same time when I started having the weird and unexplained symptoms that have so plagued me these last two weeks.  The same day.   The very same evening.  And, at the very moment that he was undergoing heart bypass surgery to clear the serious blockages in his heart, my symptoms vanished.

I have seriously reduced the amount of the nasty, blood pressure medication as of today.  I'll be off of it altogether after Tuesday.  My heart is notably inconspicuous as it seems to just be working away steadily in my chest.  There is not one single indication of any problem at all.  How very, very odd.  As Tom is prone to observe, "correlation is not causation, but it sure is correlation."  To me, this has a definitive shamanic tinge.  Somehow, in some way that I do not understand, I feel like my heart was mirroring the heart of my former spouse.  I find very little about the "spiritual" aspect of divorce, and surely for me in the event, it was a purely legal process.  Now, however, I wonder if there is some part of me that is still tangled up with him.  I really don't have any other explanation for this odd sequence of events...  Maybe time to hunt up the shaman lady again and get this taken care of.  I think.

swan

** One other thing, and this is directed at my ex-husband specifically:  I know that you and your new wife read here and that is just fine.  I also know that sometimes (very rarely) both of the "kids" read here, and I am fine with that.  However, I would appreciate it if you would stop using what you learn here about me to attempt to upset them.  I do not discuss you with them.  I work hard to make sure that I am not negative about you with them.  I try to preserve your relationship with them.  After all, you are their father.  Is it too much to ask that you give me the same courtesy?  Build your own relationship with them.  Stop being a gossip.