This morning upon awakening, Tom first noted that his shoulder was stiff, then that he needed to go pee. I giggled and said, that is the joy of aging: the first moments of consciousness: I ache, I need to pee... To which he added, "and then you think 'Damn, I'm alive for another day.'"
And so it continues. This is his reality. Not mine.
I choose to remember Richard Dawkins' admonishment ...
ReplyDeleteI think what he said is sad. I'm not sure I could live with that. I'm at that age too where those are my first thoughts. Today I woke up and thought "It's sunny and I have to pee and the muscles in my ass hurt, I wonder why, and I have tons of things to do today and and and..." And I think I'm pretty happy to be alive pretty much every day.
I think your quote is kind of sad too - I believe you are trying to explore possibility here, but still kind of sad with all the unfilled possibilities?
Sin -- He is sad. I have become convinced, finally, that there is not one thing that I can do to change that.
DeleteAs for the Dawkins quote being sad, I don't see it that way. I've spent a lifetime looking for other people to make me happy. Now, at the age I am, I am done looking. I will enjoy the days I have. I will teach with all my heart. It is my art and my joy. I will live with the people I love and hope for the best for them, but I will no longer wait for them to "make me happy." This is my ordinary life, and that is an extraordinary thing.
That's different, knowing that you cannot wait for other people to make you happy. And yes, I agree that our lives can be extraordinary.
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living life with someone who is depressed can be so very very difficult - you have my empathy.
ReplyDeleteyou seem pragmatic about your reality, and that only you can make you happy... a truth, no doubt, but one that is certainly bittersweet to acknowledge.
I love the last sentence of your reply to Sin - the ordinary is indeed extraordinary, and to be able to see that is such a rare gift it seems.
i wish we could sit and chat over a cup of tea.
I would like that.
Kindest regards
weirdgirl
I would like that, too :-)
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