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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


Sometimes I Just Want to Shake All the Self-Satisfied Ones

Participation in the realm of Internet BDSM chatter, whatever the venue, is a mixed bag.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the Internet connects us all to one another.  I'd never have found my way into this life without the connections made online.  I've learned from online companions.  They've supported me and cheered for me and instructed me and helped me find my way.  More than once.  All of that is good.  None of that would have been possible if I'd been trying to make my way along in my geographically limited life.

However, I am unwilling to sing the praises of the online BDSM community without also noting that it can be a snake pit of judgmental, arrogant, nasty, endless jockeying for position.  The Dominant parts of our circle tend to be relatively quiet, generally, but the submissive parts of the equation just chatter endlessly, and we do love our Queen Bees.  Over the years, the mantle has passed from one to another to another, but always, there are one or two who hold court over vast throngs of admirers, and inevitably that position brings with it a sort of power to proclaim what is and what is not.  Ironic, that.

In the end, each of us crafts the relationship that works for us and our partners.  We do remind each other of that fact pretty regularly, but then...  Someone is sure to come along on the cyber waves, and remind us that if it is not like "THIS," then it cannot possibly be "THAT."  Period.  End of sentence.  Doesn't fucking happen!

I am no longer in the business of passing on bits of wisdom.  I've proven to my own satisfaction that I've very little wisdom to pass along.  What I do is live the life I've got to the very best of my ability.  That is seldom elegant or romantic or sexy or graceful.  More often than not, it looks like the train wreck it is; a scramble to keep my head up and breathe and survive.

I can't tell you about the things that may work to keep your chosen dynamic working smoothly.  I don't have a clue about communication methods, contracts, protocols, rituals, rules, positions, mantras, punishments or any of the rest of it.  I don't know.

  • Most of my days, I work to do a few simple things:
  • breathe
  • be sweet
  • sound sweet
  • figure out what needs doing
  • do it
  • keep in mind what I have that is of value to me
  • remember that I don't have to impress anyone
  • keep trying
  • believe everyone I meet is doing the best they can
  • treasure the ones who have walked the path with me
  • use my time well
  • choose to stay in love
  • not make excuses
  • find a way
  • stay true to my word
  • be a better me than I was yesterday
  • try not to be stupid
  • try not to blame anyone, including me
  • show the people I love how much I love them
  • find the places and things and people that make me smile
  • and then smile
  • face problems
  • say thank you
  • fall down and get up
  • accept what comes
  • refuse to look back
And if, on any given day, I manage to check off a third of that list, I count it a day well spent.


  1. YES! This! Most days around here are just chaos -- And yes, mouse has a very similar list (at least mentally) she checks off. Life is a work in progress, it's never completed.

    And it's a rare day where the whole list is checked off (in fact it's so long ago, mouse can't recall). There are days where if one thing is marked, we just can call it good. Lol

    People are forever curious about what works for us and what doesn't. But honestly it's not a one-size-fits-all thing or even most...

    What we focus on, for right now, is what keeps sane. It gives us order midst the chaos.

    Tomorrow never knows.

  2. I am thinking (which some days is not a good thing for me) that you and me and a few others have reached the point that we have learned a lot of life's lessons (usually the hard way) and we make our own lists ..... and hope that we get to check some of them off - never hoping to hit the mark each and every day.

    It' is what is (shrug)

  3. I was a little worried that you were hoping to check off all the items on that list. It is a list that i mostly share with you....and i think 1/3 is a great day!
    hugs abby


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