About dignity; About grace; About integrity

I've come to the conclusion, and not for the first time, that finding your way into this lifestyle in public gives one an unalterably different point of view than if you "learn the ropes" in the cyber realms. There are just somethings that can only be learned (I am convinced) in the actual presence of real humans -- face to face. It has to be seen, absorbed, watched carefully, heard, felt, modeled, pondered for awhile -- and then absorbed, watched carefully, heard, felt, modeled, and pondered again and again.

I was lucky to meet Master and T very early in my explorations, and then to be quickly introduced by them to the public scene. When I left them after that first headlong dive into the deep waters of the real live, public, practicing, BDSM community, and traveled back to my home in Denver, I worked hard to find others who would help me learn and grow in my understanding and knowledge of my budding self-awareness. I learned more than could ever be written in a whole library of books by simply spending time with those who "did" BDSM in a variety of ways. I came to know many, many people (in many walks of life) who identified as Tops/Dominants/Masters, or bottoms/submissives/slaves, and some switches -- both male and female. Most were happy to share and guide and teach and mentor. Even those with whom I had no direct conversation, taught me by the fact that I was able to watch and learn from the way they conducted themselves.

I learned about dignity; about grace; about integrity. I learned about how those on both sides of the power exchange dynamic ensure that the bridge between them is crossed with intention and understanding, so that they arrive at their mutual destination with awareness and agreement and consent, not abuse. I learned that one can bend and bow, endure excruciating pain, submit to all sorts of torment and humiliation, and remain entirely noble and self-contained if the spirit knows the truth of who it is. I learned that service, done well can be art, I learned that slavery is not "just" any one thing -- not just sex, not just pain, not just fetish. It is connection, committment, growing in knowledge of what is pleasing and helpful and needed and wanted. I also learned a whole lexicon for the "critters" that come to the life with broken personalities and immature value systems who only want what it is they want -- the would be's and the wannabe's and the won't-ever be's; the lookie-loo's (who only want to watch), and those who come to "stand and model" in all their fancy fetish wear. One of the most interesting of all these is the do-me queen. A "do-me queen" is someone who usually claims to be submissive, but who is generally exceedingly needy and demanding. They have to be "done" on a regular, and usually escalating schedule, or they get unhappy, pouty, and bratty. A do-me queen can wear a Dominant out in short order. Talk about topping from the bottom! Whoever and however they showed up in all their glorious variety, they taught me and helped me grow. I've come to value their various contributions to my path, and know just how rare that part of my education really was.

These days, isolated in the conservative hell that is Cincinnati, Ohio, I miss that thriving public, real-life, community. To be sure, there are a few of you here in the cyber realm, who have come to be such good and valued friends, but you are a rare treasure. So many others, in this odd "universe" don't share the culture that I just assume is part of this life. There is no common ground of protocol, manners, dignity, grace. I find it disconcerting and frankly baffling. Somedays, I just feel old. And then again, maybe I just miss my friends, Dear Gabriel and kaylem, and His wry observation that it wasn't all about "blow jobs and butt sex." How very, very true.

swan