This Day

He and I have been off together this last week...and we've slept. All week. He's been ill with a nasty virus, and He has simply felt crummy. Many days, He has slept until almost noon, and then gotten up to eat something. After maybe an hour or two perhaps, He's gone back to bed and slept the afternoon away. There's been nothing much of any interest, and certainly nothing "exciting." We've wrapped up in each others' arms and simply gone to sleep. To be honest, I've been so tired, it hasn't been much of an issue. When I've been awake, I've tried to sort out the path that I need to follow in the next year so that things can be somehow more positive and less grim than this last year has felt. So the quiet days have been good I suppose. Not what we normally anticipate for these winter holidays, but probably needed...


By this morning, though, both of us were starting to feel some better. The possibility of some play and some sex had come back into the picture. When He woke up, He pulled me close and tucked me into His chest. There's a particular sort of "curled up" position He likes to get me into so that He can hump away on me. I'm warm and I'm cuddly and I'm really not supposed to do or say much in that mode. Just be still and let Him go wherever it is He goes in His mind ... I've learned (usually) to not think too much about it... I know He'll let me know what He wants next -- sometimes to make love; and sometimes to spank. I try to spend the time finding a quiet heart, getting myself into His rhythm. It isn't about me.


This morning, out of nowhere, He stunned me, by beginning to PLAY with me. Not hurting me -- playing with me sexually. I understand, from an intellectual perspective, that this is always a possibility, but it is just so out of the norm that it surprised me and completely blew my calm. I was startled. Very soon, as He caressed my clit and sucked my nipples, I began to spin off into a place I don't remember being much in the last year -- a place I've almost forgotten. I don't think it took Him very long to have me whimpering and moaning under His hands and fingers, and then the wave crashed over me and carried me away completely and left me shaking and sobbing in His arms. Even then, He wasn't done with me. He continued to tease and torment my quivering body with His knife, tracing the sensitive and hungry contours as I floated on the sensations He was evoking. Even as He smacked my tender places with the flat of the blade, bringing forth cries and tears, I only clung to Him in straining hunger, as all the flood of need that has piled up this year poured out of me.


Only then, as I was reduced to jangling, quivering confusion, did He put me over the edge of the bed for a paddling and strapping. I was melted -- Until the first smack of the paddle. He hit me sharply with one of those nasty, evil Hanson paddles, and I came up screaming. Just for a moment, mind you... It only ever takes a flash of that fury and I'm back where I belong; back in position; back with the white hot fury leashed down tight and contained. He tried to talk with me -- I remember. I think I managed the required polite and appropriate responses. Mostly, I know that I was intent on staying on top of the volcanic anger that was threatening to drag me down. I know He started again. I know I was focused on "being good." And then it got dark. Dark. And I got lost. Somewhere in the darkness I got lost and scared and ...


I don't know much about it all. When I came back from the dark, He was there telling me to get back up on the bed. I was still where I'd started. I hadn't broken position. He said I'd been "noisy." I know I felt shaken and frightened and small. He held me. Used the rubber strap on me a bit, and let me calm down some...


Eventually, we did make love, and in one of those funny/magical moments that sneaks up on you when you aren't looking for it, I achieved the second orgasm of the morning even as He was finishing His own climax... He panicked just a bit and told me what I already knew: "I'm not in!" In the throes of my own very rare orgasm, I was (I'm afraid) not very concerned and replied, "I don't care -- it sucks to be you -- Sir..." and just kept on rocking. Somehow, lucky for me, and perhaps indicative of the desperately difficult time we've had this year, He found that hysterically funny. And so, we began this day.


swan