And That was Thanksgiving

The dishes are all washed and the leftovers are all packed up and bundled away into the refrigerators. Once again, we've managed to gather the odds and ends of the "family" together in our home and produce the feast that commemorates the thanksgiving holiday.

This year, we had Grandpa, and both the kids, the boyfriend who has been around long enough now that we're starting to feel like he belongs to us all, and the ex-wife (mother of the kids). It was a smaller gathering than we've had in some years. Notably absent from our table -- grandma who can no longer leave the alzheimer's unit at the nursing home to join in our celebrations, the other grandma (mother of the ex-wife) who is and has been "terminally" ill with cancer for well over a year, and the former very long term girlfriend of the boy-chick who had become a seemingly permanent fixture at our table.

T and I did our usual two kitchen close-order drill, producing a meal that includes more food than thirty people could put away at one meal, much less the eight who were actually gathered around the table this afternoon. From appetizers to desserts, it was a culinary triumph, and nobody went away hungry. We had great fun together, regaled, for the most part by stories of the recent successful birth of the very first batch of baby seahorses in the household of Master's daughter. The process of getting seahorses pregnant and then through the business of birthing the little devils is simply ridiculous -- and hearing her go through the whole long story, especially after a bit of champagne, was sufficient to get us all howling.

We finished our meal, had our dessert, and then a contingent of us went to visit Grandma at the home. Armed with dessert and hot tea, we ventured forth into the chilly evening and spent a pleasant hour or so chatting with her. She was happy and sociable, and the conversation was entirely bizarre but pleasant. As we prepared to leave, she grabbed my hand and asked me if I liked to swear. She assured me that there were no people there that knew how to swear, but that she was very good at it, and that if I enjoyed swearing, I should come back sometime, and she and I could swear together -- after all, it is good for headaches. Oh my. I assured her that I would, indeed, return another time, and we could swear if she felt like it.

It was, all in all, a good day. There are things about this whole holiday business that I find terribly difficult. I always confront the memory of my brother's death on the evening before Thanksgiving. I tend to notice the estrangement from my family as the holidays begin to gear up and other folks start nestling into their extended connections. I find the distance from my adult children is hard at this time of the year, even though I barely notice it for the other ten or eleven months. I have to talk to myself in very specific ways to get into the calm space that allows me to don the camouflage of "unexplainable nice neighbor lady," for these family gatherings. Add all of that to the fact that Thanksgiving comes right on the heels of three long, intense days of parent / teacher conferences at school, and I approach this day with a sense of feeling shaky and stressed. When we come to this point -- on the other side -- it always feels like I've cleared a huge hurdle and can simply breathe a sigh of relief.

I hope your day was good. I hope you found joy in those who you shared your day with.

swan