A Poly Survey?

Recently, there was a request to participate in a research survey about jealousy in polyamorous relationships. It came across one of the lists that we take part in and is being conducted by a woman who is in the final year of a graduate program. We tend to try to "help" with these kinds of efforts just because there is such a dearth of reliable information available about the lifestyle.

So, I followed her link and clicked my way through her survey questions, fussing and fuming more and more the further I went -- because she clearly had a picture of what polyamory is all about when she set up her survey, and her questions were entirely reflective of her assumptions, and completely not applicable to the way our lives work.

The survey was all full of vocabulary like "primary partner" and "secondary partner," and then posited all kinds of provocative situations in which the "secondary" would be treated in ways which might seem to be more favorable than the treatment given to the "primary." Good grief! Is the question about whether there is a greater potential for jealousy to occur within poly relationships, or simply whether it is possible, given grievously bad behavior on the part of one member of a poly relationship dynamic, to create jealous responses in other partners? Duh! Talk about bias!

There was no potential to discuss a dynamic in which partners were essentially on equal footing and the relationship structured to (at least most of the time) meet the needs of all the partners. It was, simply, a "poly" survey written by someone who was obviously imagining the whole business from a monogamous frame of reference.

I really wonder about the sort of "data" the person will gather with that research instrument, and what kinds of conclusions she will draw. I wonder if she has done any preliminary research that might give her some sort of perspective about the lifestyle so that she could better understand the ways in which those of us who live poly lives do this. It isn't hard. A simple Internet search sent me off to this pretty good, easily accessible article. Sheesh! There is really no excuse at all to just assume that everyone who is poly does the "primary" / "secondary" thing. That is just ignorant.

Maybe I'm just feeling tender. Having had the bad experience that I had with the crappy therapist from hell just a few weeks back, I don't feel especially patient with this sort of thing. There needs to be better information and understanding of this life choice. It is a GOOD thing to be doing the kind of research that this woman proposes to do, but there is no value at all in doing it badly. Research that perpetuates stupid stereotypes and ignorance is not going to help anyone.

Grrrrrrr...

swan