G-Spot Questions

Greenwoman, sir's pet, and morningstar all offered questions, comments, advice, and especially, support in their Comments to my "Vibrator" post. The kindness evident in their words really struck my heart.


Morningstar's question, with regard to the whole "G-spot as orgasmic promised land" issue seemed particularly astute to me. She asked, "i was wondering IF the g-spot was a fun place before? an exciting place?? an "oh my god!" space before?"


To be honest, I can't answer that question. I don't know, really. Before -- my body was a Disneyland of fun places. I was, in retrospect, remarkably sexually responsive. I never really thought about it because there were "good" spots everywhere, and I was "easy." Easy to arouse, easy to bring to orgasm, easy with my own sexuality -- thrilled by it, in fact.


I had vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms and orgasms from fisting that would leave me in a trance so deep that I'd feel as if I'd blacked out entirely. It wasn't uncommon for me to have good sex lead to ejaculation (mine as well as His). All of that, continued, with only minor interruptions, even as the intractable bleeding and hemorrhaging, that eventually brought me to the point of hysterectomy, washed over us.


That sexual heat and ease was a huge gift that I never completely understood or valued appropriately. I simply assumed it was the way of things and went merrily on my way.


As I approached the hysterectomy, it was the single largest cause for my concern and wariness. I asked and asked and asked again if the surgery would significantly impact my sexuality -- and received assurances that it would not. Over and over and over. I know now that I was misled and lied to. It is in the past and I have mostly accommodated the fury that I felt at that betrayal, but it is a simple fact.


In the aftermath, after a less than smooth recovery, I found myself in a body that was nothing like what I'd had before the surgery. As the magnitude of the change became evident, I was swept into a torrent of emotions that took me even further from the place where I might have been able to begin to learn my way, sexually, with the new "stuff." It really is only now, with the healing done and the anger largely subsided, that I've begun the work of learning the "new" territory. What makes that so complex is that I just don't have a lot of experience with this. What was so easy before is now tenuous and complicated and elusive. It takes great patience, great calm, and a real sense of trust for me to follow the winding path through to what does work. I can get knocked into a tizzy with very little provocation, and that is not a circumstance that makes "getting there" more likely to happen.



I know it isn't all bad, or as terrible as I once thought it was. I know now that "different" isn't the same as "ruined." I've learned to look forward rather than back, and to take what is now and enjoy the possibilities of that. It is just such a huge, uncharted realm, that my explorations and discoveries are coming along slowly. The good news, from my perspective, is that they ARE coming. I believe I may end up knowing THIS old, scarred body better than I did the other. Perhaps we will yet become friends.



swan