Divided

This is me. This is the self-image that feels right to me. This is the way I think I look in the world. This is my "outside" face. I think this "me" is open and strong and happy and alive.

This is the face of an "adult" who chooses to live life on her own terms. This "me" is a slave, but that isn't something that shows on the outside, unless you know what to look for. I like this face, and I am proud to have come to be this woman.


Lately though, inside, where no one can see, this is how I feel... This is the face of the pouty, angry, brat that I can hear inside of my head more often than I like.

I don't believe in bratting, and I know better than to let this brat have free rein. I know that if this "me" came screaming out in real life, I'd be in a mess of trouble. I know exactly how bad that could be, and I'm not at all interested in going there. Still the "brat" stamps her foot and claims that "we" ought to get more of what "we" want. She is a wicked one.

I don't know what to do about her. I am spending a whole lot of time and energy keeping her quiet. I hope that, perhaps time will quiet her voice. Life will settle and the things that keep the "brat" at bay will come back into my life. Until then, I'm going to keep my hands over the ears of my mind, and keep on reminding myself that "I am His." Hopefully that will drown out the voice of the brat.

swan