Sharing Our Gifts

My friend, Sara left this interesting comment on the post about the "Roots of Guilt":

I think the public/private division is really one of personal choice and taste. For us the intensity, the eroticism and yes, the spiritual nature of our DD marriage, is enhanced by the privacy we maintain. We feel part of the power comes from it being exclusivelely between us. That meets our needs, and because it is just between us, we feel it is more special.

I find myself thinking about the gifts that we are all given. Gifts. Yes.

I have come to understand that this way of being and relating and loving is a gift -- unique and wonderful. It is as essential to my life and being as my physical body; every bit as much a part of me as my intellect; intimately woven through my spirit life. It fires my passion, opens my heart, widens my perceptions, and quiets my mind. It calls me to take the risk to love deeply and with intent. There is no way to do this and remain aloof, disconnected, or casual.

Indeed, I am the recipient of a range of gifts and positive enhancements to my life and my personal journey that probably would not have accrued had I been gifted with some more "typical" sexual/erotic orientation.

One of the "teachers" in my life tells this story about gifts: Every year, as the Christmas holiday approached, he would buy gifts for all of his friends and family. He'd invest a significant amount of time and energy and expense, selecting the perfect gift for each person on his list. As he acquired each gift, he'd take them home and put them on the shelf in the closet. One day, his son happened to notice the "stash," and asked him about it. When the father explained that these were gifts for Christmas, his son told him, "They aren't gifts if they aren't given." It is a simple idea with powerful implications.

And that's where I come back to Sara's statement about keeping the intensity and eroticism and spirituality of our BDSM experiences "private." I really do understand the urge to do that; to take this wondrous, almost magical, incredibly intimate, connective WOW experience -- and hold it close to our chests. There is the real drive and desire to not risk exposing ourselves and our precious "find" to the world. Because the world can be less than kind; the world can be downright mean and nasty; the world can threaten us in a million different ways. It seems way safer to keep our gifts out of sight and "private."

Except that, when we do that, we lose the opportunity to GIVE them to one another. And I think that the choice to not GIVE in this fashion is rooted in the stories we've all been told -- that if it was about sex, it was wanton and vulgar, and not to be shared openly.

I don't know how many of us will find our way to shaking off those messages. I don't know how many of us will find a way to balance the anticipated risks with the potential benefits. I only know that I have found great power in taking this part of who I am and manifesting it in the community that knows it and understands it for what it is. In that act, the intimacy is multiplied, the power is enhanced, and the magic is made visible to all who share the moment.

swan