Good-Bye...

She has always been a petite little lady with a fiesty spirit but that spirit is mighty quiet these days..... except when she howls in pain as the Hospice nurses and the nursing aides, who have cared for her this past year, try to shift her to hold the bed-sores at bay. Liquid Morphine and Ativan are her only comforts when she cries out for help from the unseen fears of her mind. Tom's Mom is finally losing her battle with Alzheimer's. Her husband of nearly 65 years sits by her bed and silently weeps. Swan and I gather the parts and pieces of our lives and hold Tom together so he can care for them both. Family has rallied to fill in the cracks and shore up the walls. Tom's staff has fallen in line and is carrying his awesome work load, to give him time to comfort his dying Mother and grieving Father.

When I first met this bundle of fire, she didn't care for me at all. After all, in her eyes, I was the woman standing in the way of her son returning to the wife who pushed him away. Set in her ways, she doesn't believe in divorce. "People work things out.. For the kid's sakes." It took us a long time to become comfortable with each other, even as "our ex-wife" and I worked at keeping all of us together as a big ole' blended family, she struggled. And just when she and I finally reached our understanding, she started slipping away from us.

She loves red. She loves flowers and gardening. Makes the best applesauce I have ever had. Has won prizes for her cooking and was written up in the paper for her recipes. She was the 1st WOMAN insurance adjuster. She has a wicked sense of humor. Twinkling eyes. A quick tongue. She gave birth to my beloved Tom, and for that, I will be forever grateful. She is no bigger than a minute but fills the room with her presence.

I come from a family where EVERYONE is welcome. EVERYONE is loved. EVERYONE is included. Tom's parents never had that. Both were orphans. He was discarded by a mother that didn't want a growing son when her marriage ended in divorce, so he was left on the streets. She lost her parents and relied on the charity of family, often being a "Cinderella" for them. They have no concept of inclusion. Just yesterday, as I sat rubbing Mom's back to calm her, Tom's Dad said to me "It never dawned on me, but Sue is like family, isn't she?". I said, "She certainly is. A sister to me. MY Mother treats her like a daughter." And he sat there with a startled expression on his face. She has been involved in EVERY family function for the past 5 years, at least, and he just noticed yesterday that she is "Family". Every family dinner held at our condos is eaten at her table.... and he just noticed. Today, I am tired... but I am also no longer frustrated with his lack of awareness. Yesterday, he noticed that Swan is part of the family. A HUGE step for a 89 year old man who is losing the love of his life. Today, I will cut him some slack.

Swan and I have organized things to make the end easier on them. We have the parts and pieces ready. We will be there with open arms and broad shoulders for however long we are needed.

After all.....we are family.
T