Snuggle

Healing from abdominal surgery is painful and limiting. There have been very few positions that Master finds comfortable for sitting, standing, or lying down. It has been impossible for Him to lie on His side.

Our customary sleeping habit is to sleep snuggled together. When He is well, He tends to pull me in close and tuck me tightly against His chest, under His chin. For me, that is a place of warmth, comfort, and safety -- the best place in all the world. It has not been possible to get there since the surgery.

That has left me feeling "out in the cold." I've managed everything. Advocated with doctors, nurses, and pharmacists. Coordinated the scheduling of medications and dressing changes. Kept track of grams of protein. Screened our diets for fats and sugars... And maintained my teaching work.

But the place where I go to recharge is to Him -- the security and safety of His care and His arms is, for me, a refuge. That hasn't been available, and I am beginning to feel the strain. I can tell that I am emotionally tender, inclined to be weepy, plagued by intense and dark dreaming.

This morning though, just after the alarm went off and I was lying there in the darkness gathering myself to start the day, He rolled toward me, onto His side, and gathered me in. We snuggled! I held my breath; I tried not to cry; I stayed there in the darkness far longer than I should have -- drinking in the pure and simple joy of being back in His arms.

Things are on the mend.

swan