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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


Since I've Started Down This Path

On Saturday afternoon, I went to the local big box hardware store to buy some chain.  I needed four 12-foot lengths of chain to complete the hanging of the porch swing (some may remember that the attempt to put that swing up last summer ended rather badly).  The place was wildly busy with people all over the place.  I waited for probably 15 minutes or so for the beleaguered employee working the area to finish helping a couple of other customers who were there ahead of me.  He apologized all over the place when he got to me, and went right to work dealing with a tangled up mess of metal links that was, predictably, the sort of chain that I needed for my project.  We chatted pleasantly about his plans to get away for the day on Sunday, and things were proceeding just fine.  Then, from the other end of the aisle, a woman approached; stuck herself in front of my nice chain guy; and demanded to know where she could find some sort of rubber end caps that could be put over the ends of screws.  Not an "excuse me," or even a polite nod to the fact that I was standing there, and no acknowledgment of the fact that the employee was busy -- just her self-absorbed requirement that her needs be met NOW.  I glared, but said nothing, and my guy (good retail service employee that he was), patiently pointed her back down the aisle and explained that she would find what she was looking for in the fourth drawer from the bottom.  Off she went, and we went back to our business.  Pretty quickly though, she was back having found a small plastic envelope of small black rubber washer-like rings.

"Will these keep my shutter screws from rusting?" she asked, thrusting her find into his face.

He once again, apologized to me, and then tried to explain to her that these would not prevent rust as the water could still get to the screw.  He told her of some other product that would work better for what she needed, and told her on which store aisle she would find what she needed.  Unbelievably, she put her hands on her hips, stuck out her chin, and said, "I can't figure that out.  You need to come show me."

At that point I'd had enough.  My drop dead glare was obviously not making the point, and so I asked her, "Lady, did you ever finish kindergarten?"  Well that caused her to wheel around and snarl -- "What?!?!"  And so I patiently explained to her that I knew that it would be kindergarten where she might have learned to wait in line and take her turn.  Predictably, she got furious; threw her baggie of black rubber thingys at my feet, turned on her heel and stomped off the way she'd come. 

I got my chains, thanked my nice young helper, and headed for the checkout.

Whatever you think about that story, here's my point:  That woman assumed that everyone owed her a level of respect and courtesy -- but felt no compunction about trampling everyone else in that regard.  Her face to face behavior is illustrative of the mindset that powers the commonplace response that I get whenever I confront bad behavior on the part of anonymous commenters.  They will, when called for their behavior always come back exactly as our most recent specimen did on that last post:

you snipe and whine and were rather ugly

Amazing.  Someone who spends good chunks of their time wandering around the blogosphere leaving nastiness in their wake, feels entitled to "nice" treatment from those they would victimize.  That would be funny if it were not so pathetic.  What it does do is identify that the anonymous types know what polite behavior entails.  Clearly, then, the move to be uncivilized is the result of a deliberate choice and not an error born of ignorance.



  1. Anonymous1:13 PM

    Hmmm...I've done exactly what that woman in the store did to you; asked a clerk who is helping another customer where something is.

    Although I think I do smile apologetically at the other customer. I can't remember, honestly. But I'll have to be careful next time I might do this; I had no idea it was rude behavior on my part. I wonder if I've unwittingly upset other customers in doing exactly that? :-( I DO know it was very rude of her to tell the clerk to come show her and take her away from you when you were there first, for sure! I would never dream of asking such a thing. But just asking where something is, yeah, I've done that.

    In future, I am going to make sure I make eye contact with the other customer, at least. I definitely do not want to step on anyone's toes, life is filled with enough headaches, don't want to add to anyone else's problems if I can help it.

    Which brings me to the rude commenter(s). What makes people think that because you allow anonymous comments then that means you must accept rude comments? Where is the logic in that? Disagreements, okay. Debate, okay. But just rude things that they would never dream of saying in person? Where does it say that's okay if you're anonymous?

    Does that mean if I'm walking down the sidewalk in public it means anyone has the right to come up to me and make rude comments on my dress or my style of walking? "Hey, I think you have a shitty-looking dress!"

    Gee, thanks.

    Or if I'm in a coffee shop, having a conversation with friends, they have the right to just break in and say something rude about our conversation?

    I mean, according to that logic, anyone could do that to me, right? I'm in public, I'm not behind a barrier, so that means anyone can walk right up and say something rude to me.

    Well, I guess they could's not nice. Don't they see that?

    I'm :-)

  2. Anonymous1:44 PM

    You've blogged three whole posts about this. Move on, you're allowing someone you don't know to affect you WAY too much!

    As for you being rude and whiny...I couldn't care less how you respond to me. I don't feel entitled to anything from you, I don't know you. however, my point was that you are doing EXACTLY what you're accusing others of doing. So either own up to it, or move on, or keep denying...I'll be ok whatever you decide.

    Just like the rude lady in the responded to her in kind. Simply saying, "excuse me, but I was right in the middle of something with him, could you please hold on just a minute" would be how someone who is polite responds. Your response was rude and immediately put her on the defensive.
    Do I think you were wrong? Nope, but it does crack me up that you are exactly what you seem to hate in others.

    My suggestion is that you stop allowing people you don't even know to get you so upset. Stay calm and enjoy your life.

  3. Dear Polite Anonymous Person -- I assure you that I think I've done that "interrupt someone else" thing myself -- it is hard, when we all feel like life is rushed and stressful, to not get convinced that my "just one quick question" is somehow an imposition. I think that I capable guilty of assuming that my time is more valuable than someone else's. My bad... As for the rest of your comment, I love the examples you gave -- situations where being "out in public" does not necessarily make us fair game (or shouldn't).

    And as for the other Anonymous -- Unless or until you and I arrive at some sort of negotiated arrangement, you have no standing to tell me what to do or think; no right to correct my behavior; and you are not invited to suggest anything about my way of approaching my world. Your overarching arrogance is amusing but way out of place here.


  4. Anonymous7:42 PM

    I may not have been invited, but I did it anyway. Untwist your panties! I'm glad, however, that I'm amusing seem so miserable, so you need some amusement! Frankly I've been pretty entertained myself.

  5. Anonymous8:54 PM

    Swan, the other anonymous certainly loves to try and order you around.

    "Untwist your panties!" "Be calm!" "Stop blogging about me!"


    Next they'll say, "Blog about the economy!" Or maybe, "You can't blog today! Blog tomorrow!"

    Bossy little thing, isn't it?

    I have a just barely two year old and she is quite bossy, too. Spends a great deal of time telling me to "sit Sit SIT!" and "come, Come, COME" and pulling me this way and that.

    It's very cute.

    But then...she's only two years old. The same behavior is not quite so endearing in adults, eh? lol! ;)

  6. Anonymous9:15 PM

    It's not quite so endearing for adults to spank other adults to 'teach them a lesson' either.

    I understand why you guys are always so snippy and iritable. I would be too if my boyf beat me and thought he had the right to.

  7. Anonymous10:25 PM

    The two of you just get uglier and uglier. I truly feel sorry for you.

  8. Dear Anonymous Parent of the Bossy Two Year Old... LOL! Yes, I do remember that two year olds can be natural born little short dominants! It is downright adorable, natural, healthy, and expected from a developmental perspective. It is also the time in life when people should begin to learn about boundaries and social expectations and the like. That's what parents do with little people -- raise them up to be decent, civilized adults. I wish you all the best as you do that important work with your cute little one.


  9. Anonymous9:01 PM

    How were you observing boundaries or behaving in a decent and civilized way when you spoke to a stranger in a store like that? You are the ultimate hypocrite. I guess that trait comes in handy every day you go to work and pose as a Catholic, or certainly not the non-believer you rant on and on about being.

    I'm beginning to understand your anger as you spend hours angrily writing post after post after post. You claim to love a married man. You have stated that although HE is poly, you are not. You are simply forced to live that way. Forced to share him with his wife who enjoys all the legal benefits of marriage while you take your place as the third wheel in the "family". Yes, all of you agree on this arrangement on the surface. (Did T have a choice, laying in her hospital bed nearly dying as it began?) But it's beginning to seem that your second class status could be at the root of your ongoing rage which you express towards just about anybody and anything.


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