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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


You Know You WANT It

One of our most recent anonymous critters (the one from Des Moines, Iowa rather than the one from Plano, Texas), wrote this little gem in response to A Hidden Slave's objection to their anonymously nasty input:

If a blog owner sets their settings to accept anonymous comments, then they WANT them

Most of us who write blogs like this one have encountered the occasional anonymous stalker-ish hanger-on who just seems determined to show up day after day to spew garbage all over our comment pages.  I know that we've gone through various permutations of thinking about what to do about the whole phenomenon.  Most recently, we've opted for a "policy" of neglect.  In general, it just feels like battling to keep them out  of here is more trouble than it is worth.

But, WANT these kinds of comments?  Hardly.  We want comments.  I want comments.  It is way better to have feedback and reaction and response to what I write here; much better to know what readers think about what I think -- and so I do WANT comments.  I don't even mind "anonymous" comments that are civilized. You don't have to agree with me, but I am one who expects adults to mind their manners.  Silly I know.  In the end, because I appreciate the input of a lot of decent, intelligent, anonymous contributors, I continue to allow anonymous commenters.  So, to the arrogant bully who declares that we WANT their participation here, I am sorry to disappoint, but you are allowed to be here.  Nothing more.  

Let me be clear.  The anonymous commenter that annoys is the one that is ugly while hiding behind their anonymity.   Those cowards find it easy to say anything to anyone since they don't have to be accountable for their words.  They can snipe at someone elses life, history, background, intent, integrity, intelligence, or character with impunity -- after all no one is going to be able to call their invisible life into question.  They contribute nothing and offer nothing.  You can't engage an unknown and unknowable puff of smoke.  Cowardice indeed.

It is a rare anonymous creep that doesn't insist that they have some sort of right to say whatever they want because, after all, those of us who write blogs like this put our lives out in public.  We do.  By that weird logic, anyone should be able to do anything they want in any place that is public, right?  Doesn't it make you wonder if nasty anonymous commenters are the same cretins who drop trash all over the public space, engage in lewd and profane speech in the line at the grocery, spit on the sidewalk, talk on their cell phone in the middle of a concert or a movie, and on and on and on.  Why not?  After all, its a public place, so there are no limits or boundaries or expectations for polite or considerate behavior -- yeah.

The anony-mice are the internet equivalent to the playground bully.  They swagger and bluster and spread misery everywhere -- all of it  born of their own misery and emptiness.  Bullies seem to have a lot of power, but it is really power that is granted to them by the rest of us.  We can act, as a community, to disempower the bullies; to call them to account for their nonsense; to refuse to be pushed around by them -- and to refuse to allow others to be pushed around.

Of course, as demonstrated in this last exchange, sometimes anonymous commenters can be entertaining.  When they get their toes stepped on, and when their ox gets gored, then they get all puffed up and huffy and bent out of shape.  Then they are quick to point the finger at those who are not, in their opinion, behaving nicely.  Whine!!!!!

I don't know what the rest of us ought to finally, or ultimately do about the bully types, those arrogant cowards who insist that they get to do whatever they want because, after all, we really WANT it.  I just know that, for now, it works for us to not invest much energy in them, except where and as it suits us to do that.  After all, this is OUR place.



  1. Anonymous8:51 AM

    Interesting, you snipe and whine and were rather ugly in your post...and you did it all anonymously, as you don't give your identity. You ARE exactly who you were blogging about. Im very sorry to disappoint you, but my toes were/are not stepped on. Youre anonymous to me, and therefore it's not important enough for me to get upset. My suggestion is, since you don't know me, don't allow yourself to get so worked up. And if my comments are that upsetting to you, change your settings, or stop whining.

  2. Anonymous10:18 PM

    Swan, seriously, you are the biggest bully here. Always have been, even when you aren't talking about "anonymous" commenters. It could be another blogger who you choose to attack here. Or an author who hasn't done one single thing to you. It really doesn't take much to inspire anger in you.

    Please identify your other commenters. Other than some fake online name they use, you know as much about them as you do about the rest of us. You're delusional.

  3. Swan I think your post is smart and right on the money. You've done a lot of thinking about it. I agree with you that somehow the anonymity leads to lack of accountability which leads to rudeness. Likening it littering is a great example actually. Thanks for your thoughts on this,
    sin (my fake online name)

  4. swan. So late to this. Think your anonymous person was the same one posting on moise's blog. O decided to ban anonymous comments. It made mouse sad to do that. If they just want to attack daddy and mouse that's fine but when they started attacking other readers O said enough was enough.

    Still mouse is sad that a really nasty bad apple had to spoil things for everyone else.

    Big hugs to all......


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