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We are three adults living in a polyamorous triad family. The content here is intended for an adult audience. If you are not an adult, please leave now.


What if We Shared?

Sunday afternoon we traveled just a bit north and east of where we live to the Fort Ancient historical site to spend some time at the Gathering of the Four Directions Celebration.  It is an event that has been held for 23 years at the Fort Ancient site, and involves a weekend of Native American drumming and dance, accompanied by a sort of festival including vendors of all sorts and some educational demonstrations and performances.  There is something that simply draws us in and relaxes us as we join the circle around the dance area, to watch and listen and enjoy.  There are elements of religion and spectacle and veteran's parade and community party to the whole business.  There are protocols and customs and a definitive hierarchy that is sensed more than seen by those of us who are outside the tribes.

I am always taken by the way dancers and singers are with one another; with the way that the youngest and the oldest all join in the rhythms and patterns of the dances.  I know enough to know that, for the people of the various tribes, there are huge parts of the whole business that are strictly private.  I know that there is a place where the drumming becomes hypnotic and transports those who dance into another frame of awareness.  I know that they know, as they dance, that beyond the rope that delineates the circle, we are all there, watching, talking, drawing our own conclusions about what we are seeing.  I know that they watch us, watching them, and I know that there is something remarkably generous in their choosing to invite us in and share what they have with us.

Spending time at a Pow Wow has some of the same electricity as does spending time in a public BDSM dungeon.  It is another example of a non-dominant culture group taking hold of a space and making it "theirs" for a bit of time.  It is a circumstance in which the "outsiders" become the normative culture, and that shift changes everything for a space.  The air is different.  The light is different.  The sounds are different.  The reactions and interactions are all changed, too.  Something very powerful happens.

Sitting there in the green light of Sunday afternoon, floating along on the pounding of the drums, I wondered:  "What if the BDSM community were to adopt this model?  What if, instead of hiding away in hotels, behind carefully controlled access points, entirely separated from the 'normal' culture, we instead, set our public events up in public places, and invited those who were not us to come and be 'audience'?"  Would doing that make big changes in the way that WE relate to the dominant culture within which we all have to live.  Would doing that give the 'vanilla' people who are our neighbors a chance to know us as a culture that is apart and different, but not necessarily bad?  Would we be able to show how we are with one another, in ways that would shift the perceptions that are created by the porn industry?

I don't know.  I only know that I wondered.



  1. I know I'd love it if it happened. And somehow I feel it would appeal to those of us who are older. I'm caring less and less if other think I'm strange or different. My daughter would be embarrassed, my son only amused I'm thinking. But I would love to show us as real people who have made an informed choice about how we want to live. What better roll models could be be?

  2. I would love it too....To those who already know us, hopefully it would just add another dimension about what they know. Community is important...I wish it were easier to attain.
    hugs abby

  3. wow swan - so many thoughts were swirling around in my head when I read your post - now even more having read the comments.

    I do know i had a group of submissives/bottoms over for coffee on Saturday (in Kingston) and we got onto the subject of the "Everything to do about Sex" conference that goes the rounds up some point - for some reason that escapes me - someone decided to add BDSM to the conference. They have a dungeon set up and a bondage area - and they invite the 'nillas' to visit and explore and - believe it or not - TRY anything they would like to. I know it isn't quite what you mean - but that's where my mind went when I read your post. Apparently now - after the last round of the Everything show - there is some consternation about the whole issue of consent - and limits - and nillas..... it all just makes me weary.............

    Now I have rambled on - I totally forget what point I was trying to make......

    It would be nice to have a day in the park sort of thing for BDSM - but I just can't think how it would work........

  4. Yaaayyy! I'll add my voice to the chorus of happy folks that you are back! Like so many said, its not the kinkyness that keeps me coming back, its your sweetness, humor, rage and pain all mixed into one. After some nasty treatment I too feel like folding up camp, but like you, things pop up that I want to say. And thank goodness Paladin is more unflappable then I. He has taught me to take a step back, breath, then go with the flow. Where I used to have plenty of knee jerk reactions, now I find I sleep on things before making a final decision. Was thrilled to come see if you had commented back, and find new entries!!!! Whooop whooop whooop!!!
    More hugs and love from us both,
    Mystress and Paladin

  5. Very interesting question you raise here, Sue. We can expand it: what if there were no secrets between people? would society evaporate?


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