Correcting Assumptions

My inclination was to not address this comment from the previous post at all, because the tone was "ugly," but this section makes assumptions that, for me at least, are just inaccurate:

"It strikes me that one of the pluses of turning yourself over to the absolute authority of another is the shedding of responsibility for your own behaviour and activities. (A return to the innocence and the supposed joy of childhood.) I am convinced that my own desire to be under the control of a stern feminine authority figure is prompted, at least in part, by a desire to return to the security of a childlike state. (I must also admit to a fascination with the sexual implications of being "spanked".)I see nothing wrong with wanting this state of affairs. Can you tell me Swan, if this is not an important part of what you term "Power exchange".

This commenter has followed me around cyberspace for years, dogging me to "repent" while simultaneously salaciously following my every "misadventure." I think that this comment represents a non participant's penchant to fall into the habit of projection. Projection is an interesting thing because it carries with it both positive and negative valance -- the onlooker's own sense of "good" and "evil."

BDSM is a very broad label for a wide set of practices. Knowing that someone engages in BDSM is like knowing that they eat. It doesn't tell you very much about their particular appetites. To assume that you know someone's particular drives or passions or motivations simply because they tell you that they are "into" BDSM; or to assume that their own proclivities might match yours is a very great leap, but again, projection is a funny thing.

I do not slave because it gives me a route to "childlike" innocence, or ability to abandon the responsibility for my behavior or actions. I slave because it is who I am. In submitting my own will to that of another, I answer a need that is an essential part of who I am. In assuming that relationship, I take on a great many responsibilities. My obligations are to make His world run as smoothly as I possibly can. His needs and desires and wishes become my focus. Even when it might appear that I am doing "my" job, paying "my" bills, planning "my" day, I am doing those things with an eye to what is pleasing and important to Him. I serve His well being and His vision. All else is secondary. My work has become to make His work and His life proceed well and smoothly.

As for the "sexual implications of being spanked." That is the talk of one who mostly understands this from a fantasy point of view. I entertained such fantasies for years before I was able to bring the reality to fruition in my life. In fantasy, spanking is sexy as hell. In real life, spanking hurts like hell. I am a masochist. Unfortunately, I am not the sort of masochist who transposes painful stimuli to erotic pleasure. It is very rare that I manage to grab the wave that takes me to a place of transcending the suffering of SM play. My masochism is of the sort that derives from the loss of control, from the knowledge that I am pleasing the One who is my Master, from His pleasure in my suffering.

Power exchange is just that. I am not powerless. I have great power. I take it in my hands and give it to Him to use for our mutual pleasure and benefit. It is a balance that we maintain between us. If I had no power, we'd have nothing to exchange and no reason to interact. The corollary is that He must use His power to hold me and Him and "us" in place. He must find the direction and maintain the momentum and guard our boundaries. I am, in His care as long as He holds the power between us. His is the trust. That is the "exchange."

swan