Taking a Chance on Hospitality

We live quiet lives, out of the view of people who might not understand our life. Inside our home, the three of us go about our day-to-day routines without much fanfare or fuss.



In the last few weeks, though, we've been gifted with a fair number of visitors to our home who are, like us, living alternative lives in one fashion or another. In each case, the original contact has been through and because of online connections, either here or through other cyber venues.



It interests me that, although many of us have been connecting on-line for years, the process of actually converting on-line contact to real-life, face-to-face relating is still something that we and others approach very carefully. Our offers of hospitality, have been met with openness, but also caution. We've brought people into our home with the promise of a meal and some social time- - simple hospitality without any burden of expectation beyond that. Really, dinner here is just that: people gathered around the big table to partake of good food, good conversation, and companionship.



When we tell people that we are interested in building friendships with others with whom we can be who we are without pretense, we really do mean just that. We tend to let guests set the pace for any discussion or exploration of the "kinky" side of things. We can happily sit and discuss politics, and family life, and work, and all the things that vanilla folks talk about -- for hours and hours and hours (as most of our guests have discovered).


What I think I'm coming to understand is that this coming together face-to-face is a voyage into unknown territory, and it feels risky -- to everyone concerned.

I'm not thinking about the safety risks, although those are definitely a factor. Talking to strangers is potentially a dangerous pastime. I think that when we choose to take online "acquaitanceships" and make them into real life connections, we take chances that are far more personal. We expose our lives and the intimate core of our lives. That can put us on the line emotionally.

I know that we work hard ahead of meeting new people. We worry and fuss and plan and do our best to "set the table" for a good first encounter. We go through these initial meetings working hard to balance. It isn't easy to know what is the "proper" way to move ahead with a potential new friend who is, like us, living an alternative lifestyle. We know, that when people have read out blog, they almost always know more about us than we know about them. We usually get through the evening, and then spend our time trying to figure out if it went well. We wonder if our guest felt comfortable and welcome. We wonder if we "passed the test" of expectations.

All of that wondering is interesting. It is an opportunity for us to consider and evaluate and appreciate what we are and what we offer as friends. Whatever the expectations that people bring into relating with us; whatever assumptions and expectations we might have for relating with others, what we find, over and over, is that it is good to be with other people, to share some hospitality and good conversation, to be in the company of people who can know us and accept us without judgement.

swan