Friend

I am not a "believer."  I have no formal religious belief or affiliation, and while I live in this predominantly Christian culture, I do not subscribe to the mythologies that underlie many of the tenets of that practice. 

That is not to say that there is nothing at all that stirs me spiritually.  I have, through a lifetime, come face to face with active demonstrations of a lively and distinctive spirit world that regularly comes into contact with this one. 

One such instance happened years ago, when He and I traveled to my favorite clothing-optional resort, Valley View Hotsprings.  I had a very difficult last morning there when it fell to me to attempt to get us checked out before the deadline.  We'd awakened later than we should have, and with characteristically Dominant certainty that everything would work out, He went right on about His morning routines, leaving me to play a frustrating game of beat the clock.  I flew around packing and gathering and frantically stuffing things into the car, growing more upset and more frustrated with each passing minute.  Finally, with just minutes to spare and in a fury, I stomped off down the dusty road, pulling my clothes on as I went -- intent on getting us technically checked out before the deadline.  Spitting and hissing and fuming to myself, I rounded the bend in the road and came smack up against a lovely little doe standing calmly in the road.  She didn't run.  Didn't startle.  She simply stood there, looking at this crazy, frantic human, and I could almost hear her in my mind -- "What is the matter with you?  Stop for a minute and look around you.  Isn't this the most glorious moment ever?"  I felt the tension and craziness melt out of me in that moment, and when I arrived at the office (a few hundred feet further down the road), I discovered that our watches were an hour fast, and we were not late at all -- in fact we had plenty of time.  I've always held that moment of contact with the deer as a high-relief instant of contact with the spirit world. 

There's no theology to that, and very little elaborate philosophy or belief system.  It is. 

So, it was that last week, as I barreled through a very complex and taxing and difficult week, I found myself reaching out to the spirit world and my dear friend, caitlin.  All last week, beginning Sunday morning, I felt myself acutely aware of her loss and the deep sense of missing her.  Then Thursday, as I was fighting my way down the highway to a very important and difficult board meeting, I began to talk to her, out loud, in the privacy of my car.  I told her that I knew she was there, and I told her I needed her.  I told her that she remained my friend and that I knew she understood what I was feeling and needing.  I asked her to help me be strong and calm and wise.  I asked her to stand with me and help me to do what I needed to do.  And she was there -- a deep sense of peace and quiet and lightness flowed through me and the slow, rush-hour crawl seemed less annoying. 

I arrived at the meeting, and walked in feeling settled and ready to take on whatever was to come.  It was a very hard and very tough meeting, but I never felt frustrated or threatened or angry.  My friend was there.  I am sure of it.

Growing up, my father, always insisted that we understand the difference between friends and acquaintances.  There would be many of the latter, he assured me, and very, very few of the former.  I came to this place, because Master insisted, partly to try and connect to some who might become friends.  With caitlin, that surely became the reality.  I am very glad to know that she is still there, and that all I need to do is listen for her voice.

swan