Joy and Laughter and Fun

It seems that my last post was one of those that evokes deep and thunderous silence in most of our readers.  I understand, I think.  The convoluted internal wanderings of my mind are interesting to me, but probably not to most other people.  For me, it is precisely the sort of post that works because it helps me to learn and grow and understand myself and my life as His slave.  I imagine, however, that learning about philosophy and "stuff" is not the driving force behind our daily hit numbers. 

The comments, though, seemed a little strained, as if people were "reaching" to comprehend or somehow frame what I said in some other context.  I'll address the "reframing" in another post.  For now, I'm wanting to try to respond to my friend, morningstar who wondered...

"i was bothered by this "stoic attitude" and your acceptance of it...what about joy and laughter and fun ..."

It is a fair question. I am as interested as anyone in the things that make life enjoyable. There isn't a single thing wrong with joy and laughter and fun. So, perhaps there is value in considering the ways in which we form our lives in order to bring us those things that make our days full and rich and meaningful and pleasurable.


My lifestyle choices are very different than those of most other people, and they are very different than what I once imagined for myself.  I didn't grow up dreaming of a future that would revolve around BDSM and intimate power exchange.  I don't know anyone who did.  One of the difficulties with talking about our lives is that there are very few people who do what it is that we do.  Even within the BDSM lifestyle community, I find it very rare to find people who really understand the dynamic within which I live.  It is hard to find common vocabulary and harder to find those with shared experience.  I suspect that, even when people think they "get it," there's a disconnect between what I think I am saying and what people actually understand.

I like to laugh and I like to have fun.  We laugh a lot.  With each other and at each other.  We enjoy one another and we enjoy the time we spend together.  The simple daily events that we share are sometimes prosaic and mundane, but too they are sometimes just delightful and often quite funny.  Living life with joy seems far better than the alternative.  So, I think that the real question is "how can you be joyful when confronted with events and circumstances that do not necessarily make you happy?" 

I think that there is some component of joyfulness that we are born with.  Some people seem to be lighthearted and positive by nature and others seem just naturally dour and gloomy.  Garrison Keilor, classically, makes fun of Lutherans as people who are on the dour and gloomy side of that balance:

...we were not brought up to experience pleasure. It doesn't register on us. It's like trying to write on glass with a pencil...

I'm not Lutheran. I can and do rejoice in the coming of spring, the light in the eyes of one of my kids when they triumph over mixed numbers, the warm blend of flavors in a well made pan of lasagna, the goofy antics of the cat, the comfort and safety of being snuggled into bed next to Master... So, I think that I have a fair natural capacity for joyfulness.


For the rest, living in joy is learned.  It comes out of our habits and our thought patterns and our perceptions and our interpretations of the world around us.  Aside from those events and losses that might reasonably be expected to plunge any one of us into a period of sadness -- the places where we must navigate the pathways of grief and mourning -- life can be joyful if we agree to allow it.  I know that I can choose what to think about, and how to think about it. I can choose what to remember and I can choose the terms I use to frame those memories. I can choose whether to be happy or unhappy, and I can choose whether to focus on the good or the bad.

I choose to cede my personal control to Master.  There is no way to do that while insisting that He do everything the way I would do it -- no way to give up control and simultaneously maintain control.  Sometimes, He makes decisions and choices that are contrary to what I want.  Big meanie!  I could, and sometimes I do, get angry about that.  Pout.  Get sullen and bent out of shape until He gives in and changes course to make me happy -- except that it never works that way.  He's DOMINANT.  In His bones.  He won't be pushed around or bullied or manipulated.  Certainly, not by me -- that is not at all acceptable within the context of our relationship. 

He does love me.  He wants me to be happy.  He is happy with our life together, and it distresses Him when I seem sad and angry -- I know.  So... the "stoic attitude" and my acceptance of that is a path for me to tap into the things that are good about my life and our life together.  It is a pathway to my framing those decisions that cause me distress in ways that allow me to let them go -- leave them in His hands, and dwell in joy.

swan