We played yesterday afternoon. 

I had a hard time settling into it.  Even as He started off slowly with lots of light and low-intensity implements, and lots of stroking, I was crunched down in some dark corner of my mind trying to prepare myself for a repeat of Tuesday night.  It took me awhile to catch on to the reality that we weren't just going to paddle and paddle and paddle and paddle.  Then, I had to somehow navigate a sense of guilt that I "made Him do it this way instead of that way..."  and round and round and round, until I finally quieted all the ornery voices and just came into the moment with Him.

That's when I noticed His hand; planted gently in the center of my back.  He wasn't really holding me down or in position so much as He was just maintaining a steady contact with me and my skin.  I became completely entranced by the weight of it, lying there so steadily -- and then I began to circle around the warmth that was emanating from His hand into my body and into my being. 

It's an old and well-known massage technique -- maintain contact with your subject; never lift your hand off until you've made contact with your other hand; stay in touch. I learned it long ago when I practiced massage with my infant children.  I'm not sure that He's ever heard of that practice, or been taught it by anyone, and yet when I asked Him why He kept His hand on me, He told me it was because I'd said I needed Him to do that. 

Really?  I don't remember telling Him that, although it feels true inside of me.  That warm, steady pressure kept me focused, and as He ratcheted up the intensity of what He was doing, I was able to stay in touch with Him and be there and not be afraid. 

There is so much to personal power that we don't completely understand.  That ability to settle my wayward mind and prickly heart with just a touch, is just one more piece of the picture.

swan