Better

Tonight.
We are some better.  Things have settled.  The weekend insanity seems to have passed on, and we are tired and tentative.  It feels as if each of us is peering out from behind our protective cover, like shy and timid forest animals.
We are a little befuddled by the suddenness of the storm that crashed over us; brought on by seemingly small things; convoluted and obscure and senseless -- and no less painful for all of that.
We survived.  Again.  Intact.  Still all here; altogether.  It seems a miracle -- and what is that we wonder...
So the blackness is gone from this place again.  We are, still, The Heron Clan.  A bit older, and no claim to wiser.  A lot more battered and beaten up.  Walking a path that makes no sense to us; that leads to where we cannot know; that seems fraught with hazards and barely imagined risks.  We are feeling clumsy, unsure, and awkward -- and so no graceful herons in flight; we'll stick (for now) with the image of the funny, rumpled baby heron.  He seems to epitomize our current ruffled state.
We've shared as we are able here.  Not fully, to be sure.  There aren't enough words to paint the picture of this passage in its entirety.  We write as and how we may here depending on our capacities in the moment.  Some of our days are better than others.  Sometimes we are stronger and wiser than others.  Sometimes we see more clearly than others.  We are not very sturdy.  We are tender.  We are touchy.  We are easily wounded.  We'd be grateful for gentleness and kindness.  Negative, judgmental, critical and confrontational messages are not helpful to us.  That is the honest truth.
Tonight, the fall has arrived with a great stomping line of storms. It is blustery and rainy and cool.  We are tucked in warm and safe.  He and I took a walk when I got home from school.  We debated about what to do for dinner; then ordered pizza delivered, and enjoyed our simple meal together.  We are sitting watching the Republican presidential debate -- because we remain political junkies.  The cat is curled up on the middle cushion of the couch, purring contentedly.  The dishes are done.  The bills are paid.  Except for our various and sundry aches and pains, we are in pretty good health.  There is not one thing about our life right now, in this moment that is horrible or awful.  Around the country and around the world, there are plenty of people who suffer and struggle in fear and desolation and pain.  We know how truly lucky we are.  We are coming to hope that the hurts of the last year may fade away in time.  In time...

swan