So, How's it Going?

You, Dear Reader, might wonder (if you wonder about us at all) how things might be going with "The Herons" in these early days since my unilateral declaration that I was resuming my place as His slave.  Is it really possible that it could be that simple -- just decide and it all snaps back into place?

The simple answer to that question is, as it turns out, not all that simple...

Yes.  For me, things are back in place, or perhaps more accurately, I feel as if I have snapped back into place.  Habits that were formed over years and years of service to Him, and anticipation of His wants, needs, and moods, and intense observation of His every response and reaction -- have all resurfaced.  My late snappishness and bitterness and hurt have mostly dissolved away.  I can feel myself quieting, waiting more gently, softening.  That feels good and right to me.

And no... the place I once occupied in His world is unalterably changed, so there is no real way to go back to that same place.  I think I will still have a place to be in His life.  I hope I do.  I just don't know, yet, what that place will be.

Lest my uncertainty be misunderstood, let me be clear... He and I are better, I think, than we have been.  It feels like there is healing happening -- real and tangible healing.  The anger and frustration that were the currency of our days for so many months are dissipating.  We are better... but not the same.  Not the same.

And so... I am back to the most basic of slave skills.  I wait.  As gently as I can manage.  Quiet -- or as quietly as I can manage.  I cannot claim to follow His lead if I insist that He lead at my speed and in the direction I would choose.  We will move along paths that He chooses at the pace that He sets.  I do not know where that path leads.  Knowing isn't part of my life anymore.

swan