Well, Dear Friends, IT finally happened. I went to visit my maternal parental unit yesterday. If you all remember from previous posts, MY MOM, is the wonderfully inclusive Mom. She is the one who welcomes all of her kids friends and tag-alongs, no matter who they are, and loves each of them as her own.
Sooooo, I went for a visit. And we were sitting in the living room talking and she was being particularly sweet about Tom, commenting about how she is so pleased that I have someone that loves me as he does. That, not just with words, but the way he watches me when no one else is looking, or how he will reach for my hand at a table, just the little things. And at that moment, Tom called. I said something like "Well, speaking of the Devil", and she laughed and I started talking to Tom. During the course of our conversation Swan's name was mentioned and my Mom pipes up in the background "You mean, Tom's other Wife?" I about fell out of my chair laughing! She slapped her hands over her mouth, her eyes grew to about 3 times their normal size, and she whispered, "Oh PLEASE, don't tell Him I said THAT!" Well, Of Course, I just HAD TO!!! And he was howling on the phone, too. She tried to explain it away by saying that Swan and I both just look at each other and seem to know what needs to be done and get to it around the houses and when Tom needs something, Swan is always available to help, if I am unavailable.
We have never told my family of our poly lifestyle. It has just not been necessary, because of their inclusiveness with Swan. We have always felt they probably knew there was more to our relationship than a married couple with a good friend who does EVERYTHING with them, but I just never felt the need to explain it all.
Seems it ISN'T necessary. My 70 year old Mother has IT. Who cares who else gets IT.
T
T,
ReplyDeleteWhat a gem of a woman your mother is, not judgemental like so many parents might be in that situation, but someone who can enjoy the company of others and accept them as they are ... a blessing for all.
Sire
Once (certain) people see how things are, it doesn't feel so strange somehow...what a gift from your mom though. That's great!!
ReplyDeleteDear Sue,
ReplyDeleteI confess that you leave me breathless.
I get this strange impression that “The Princess Pat” and your “Maternal Parental Unit” are one and the same person.
I know that I despised my own mother but that I truly wept for a few minutes when she died. As always, you certainly have me beat when in comes to complexity of relationships.
Jack
Nope, Jack. I am the one who wrote this one. Sue's Mom is "The Princess Pat" and my Mom is the "Maternal Parental Unit" in this post. My Mom is the FANTASTIC Mom, that everyone adores, and PAT is the one I want to beat with a really big stick.
ReplyDeleteHope that helps.
T
Dear T,
ReplyDeleteThank you for gently straightening me out on the who is who in your family relationship.
All things considered you would have been justified in using the “big stick” on me to help me understand the importance of who is talking to me before I jump to conclusions as to what is being said.
You are so blessed to have a mother who can accept you for what you are, without the condemnation that usually is rooted in a mistaken (even evil) sort of love where we see our children as extensions of ourselves, rather than adults that can make there own decisions and are willing to be loved or rejected on there own terms. In some ways, the sweetest thing was her willingness to accept your ‘terrible’ secret as a ‘secret’ even when she knew exactly what was going on in your life
Marty and I saw so much of this when we were doing palliative care in the aids community. So many parents and kin who denied themselves the privilege and peace of spending those last few months together due to ignorance and prejudice.
I remember the last of our young ‘clients’. He was truly a dead man walking. His T cells were none existent and his viral load was through the roof. His father had managed to make a grudging accommodation to his son’s homosexuality and was actually able to be in the same room with him. Jim fooled the hell out of us. He was one of the first to go on the ‘cocktail’ and it worked. When it became obvious that he was going to live, his father rejected him again.
Jack
There are some people, Jack, who are deep down ugly. Not physical ugly, but that personality, emotional, spiritual, ugly that goes right to the soul. I believe there is a special place in HELL for them... next to child molesters and those evil critters who abuse animals.
ReplyDeleteMay they rot. May they never see the smile of a child. May they never see a rainbow after a soul-cleansing rain. And may they never find the peace of a glorious friend.
T