Toy collection #9

We have lots of items in our collection that are made by Danny of Leather by Danny. The quality of his leather work is without equal anywhere. We always look for Danny when we go to events, and we almost always purchase things from him. I've got both ankle and wrist cuffs from Danny as well as a really fine and lovely leather collar. Over the years, Danny has proved to be an excellent crafter of fine fetish gear, as well as a remarkably reliable vendor of marvelous integrity. We had one occasion to contact him a couple of years ago because a rivet had come loose on one of the cuffs we'd purchased from him. He was quick to provide directions and the needed hardware for repairing the problem, and threw in some goodies in the bargain. Danny is simply one of the "good guys" in the scene.

Now, Danny has now branched out into making paddles. We bought one at Winter Wickedness. It is bright red, made from acrylic plexi, and it feels just wicked. Master loves it, but from my perspective, it has knife-blade sharp edges, and absolutely no give. He claims that it is better than many of our other paddles; that it doesn't bruise me or leave welts, or break my skin. The first couple of times that I encountered it, I just really hated it, but I think, maybe, I'm getting a little better with it. I don't hate it as much as I did a week ago. Still, I think (not that anyone cares) that Danny really ought to stick to leather. Sheesh!

swan

Long Journey Ahead

The weekend is nearly upon us, and we have no plans. We have no schedules to keep. We have no demands on our time. It is a great, rare gift when that happens.

I am looking forward to the weekend; to time we can spend together. I am hoping to sink into the patterns and rhythms of our lives; to soak up and store up the sense of belonging and security that comes from being able to be simply His.

There is a part of my awareness that feels as if I am preparing for a long, long journey; far from home; into places that are unfamiliar, scary, and potentially dangerous. I want to figure out some way to carry with me the things that offer me comfort and security and a sense of who I am... There are no suitcases that will carry what I will need for this trip.

Looking ahead, I know that as we approach the date for Master and T to have their bariatric surgeries, our lives will change dramatically and drastically. In the short-term, every ounce of energy and attention will need to be focused on helping them to recover and grow strong in the post-operative phase. We will, all of us, need to become intensely aware of food intake and hydration and exercise. I expect that neither of them will be physically "disabled" for very long -- probably within a couple of weeks, they'll be able to begin resuming many of their normal routines, but the full recovery from any abdominal surgery takes months, not weeks. Perhaps even more serious in terms of time and energy will be the enormous changes that must occur in our lifestyle and in the relationship that we all have with food. Six months or a year out from the surgery, life around here may begin to assume some semblance of what will likely eventually become our "normal."

While we traverse the coming weeks and months, the power balance that is normally at the core of our lives will need to shift. Master and T will be, for a time, less able and far more dependent. They will be adjusting and adapting to a radically altered physical reality. I will be the one who is well and strong and able. I will be "the nurse," and that comes with a certain level of authority and required decision making. We've already begun to speak to it, about it, around it. It doesn't make any of us comfortable, but these are circumstances where it becomes necessary. We've done this before --as T has undergone hernia repair surgery, and surely, in the recovery and rehabilitation phase following Master's knee replacement.

I don't relish the role. It leaves me feeling small and alone. I cannot carry with me the things that I most rely on to keep me feeling stable, secure, and safe. Those things cannot be packed in my mental and emotional suitcase; anymore than they might fit in a physical suitcase. It scares me. I can do this. Will do it. Well. But, for now, for this weekend, I want things to remain as they are -- just a little while.

swan

Friendship Bloggers

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”



That is the wording of the "friendship blogger" award that is being passed around these days. Morningstar and kaya, two of my favorite reads / friends, have awarded this to me, and I am humbled... I don't know that I am entirely deserving of such glowing praise, but I am sincerely grateful for the friendship that inspired the award. Thank you, both!



The "rules" say that I'm supposed to pass it on to others who haven't been given the award. I'm not sure if I actually know who has and hasn't had this honor at this point, but here is a list of people who have been good friends to us. Their friendship has been a great gift in my life and in the life of our family:

Tangerine
Greenwoman
Her and him
Destiny and chance
danae
Alice
Melon Wars
M:e

And I'm in agreement with kaya: eight is not enough!

swan

Bondage

I don't think I've ever written about bondage. It has always seemed to me that we really don't "DO" bondage in the way that I envision that. So, it isn't a topic that has drawn me before this.

This comment made by Selkie on the post about the St. Andrew's Cross has had me contemplating the whole idea of bondage, so maybe it is time to say something about that...


People in the BDSM community seem to use the word, "bondage" as if it is a singular entity. In my experience, it really does seem that there are lots of different practices that all fall under the umbrella of "bondage." The practice is not at all monolithic. Perhaps, when we talk about "bondage," it would make sense to ask for clarification at the outset -- "what exactly do you mean when you use that word?"


In our house, bondage is used in its most prosaic form. Here, when bondage happens, it is for the sole purpose of restraining me so that He can whomp on me without either of us worrying about me staying put. There is no desire or need to do anything fancy. Tie me down or cuff me to something so that my ability to move is limited.


Very occasionally, that might go so far as to include a gag, but that is very rare.


Other people use bondage differently.


There is that branch of BDSM that gets into Shibari bondage. The word Shibari came into common use in the West at some point in the 1990s to describe the Japanese bondage art Kinbaku. Shibari is only partly about restraint. In some ways, it is more about making something that is visually beautiful than it is about actual bondage. It is an intricate, slow-motion dance that the partners create together. There can be great eroticism to Shibari, but it is a very disciplined practice that requires a very patient sort of temperament.


Some people practice the more technical and elaborate suspension bondage. Suspension is not something that can be done safely by a casual practitioner. There is way more to know than "how to tie a knot." Suspension bondage requires a depth of knowledge, technical expertise, and some pretty sophisticated equipment. I've never been involved in suspension play, but I am told that there is a particular sort of head space that can be achieved through suspension.


There is also bondage play that aims for total immobilisation and/or sensory deprivation. This kind of play can range from the use of shrink wrap, latex, and hoods all the way up to full body mummification. Cutting a bottom partner off from outside stimuli creates an entirely different set of physical experiences.


Another realm of bondage play is about creating a "predicament" for the bottom partner. Predicament bondage is designed to create dilemmas. Often this practice relies on binding the partner into positions where any slight shift or movement increases the level of discomfort or causes pain in a different place on the body. For people who are into this sort of play, the possibilities are almost endless.


Perhaps there are other ways to do this that I haven't thought about.


I do think that tastes vary widely in this sort of thing. As Selkie implied, bondage has a sort of appeal to many of us, and it can be a source of fascination and curiosity. There really is no way to know which parts of the bondage spectrum of activities might be enjoyable and exciting without taking the time to explore them. What will amaze and titillate one person will bore the next one half to death. If it intrigues you, it is worth a try.


One other thought on the whole issue of bondage. Like so many other BDSM activities, the issue of safety ought to be considered. There is plenty of information available on techniques and precautions. Wise players inform themselves about risks and make decisions accordingly.


swan

President Barack Obama Congressional Address Drinking Game!

With apologies to our non-U.S. readers, this is a bit of American political fun. Some of us (mostly of the Democratic persuasion) developed a coping strategy during the last eight years of dismal political darkness. During those long, painful years, we came to share various versions of "Drinking Games" that were passed around on-line prior to presidential speech events (like the State of the Union). I don't know how many people actually participated in the drinking part of Presidential speech-making drinking games, but I do know that the grim humor was one thing that helped us get through it all...

For tonight's historic, first ever, Barack Obama joint address to Congress, this version of the drinking game comes from Wonkette.

Enjoy! We will.

We do it like this: On the left is what you see/hear on the teevee. On the right is Your Corresponding Action.
“This will not be easy.” — One sullen slurp.
“Challenging times.” — Try to drink from the side of your mouth without spilling.
“Bipartisan” or “bipartisanship.” — One shot, feel up somebody else’s girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse.
“Same old politics” and/or “politics as usual.” — Two quick gulps.
“Played by the rules.” — Ask somebody to get you another drink and then drink their drink while they’re in the kitchen.
“Recovery.” — One hit off your beverage. (You should have spares at hand.)
“Recovery.com” — Three drinks and punch anybody in the room who sort of looks like Biden.
“Resolve.” — Take a shot.
Camera stops on various “opposition” figures such as Cantor: If you’re male, do a line of meth and try to get another “straight” guy to blow you in the bathroom.
“Discipline.” — Take a very careful shot.
Camera stops on Hero Pilot “Andrew” Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III: Women and children take a drink, men go outside and have a smoke.
“Breaking ground.” — One manly gulp.
“Infrastructure.” — Two sips and check the fridge for supplies.
Any mention of the Taliban: Put a “burqa” (pillowcase) over the heads of any women and gaily drink with your male friends.
“Aggressive action.” — Chug a beer or glass of wine.
Any variation of “best days are ahead.” — Finish all the booze in the house, weep.

swan

Something New

This is really a housekeeping post. Just to keep our readers aware of a structural change here. Some of you may have already noticed. We've set up a separate blog to try and capture the journey that our family is beginning into the world of bariatric surgery and post-surgical life. We are full of hopes and fears, worries and what-ifs, plans and dreams. Some of it will inevitably show up right here, but for those of you who are not interested in that part of our lives, we'll make some effort to corral most of it -- over there at Herons Transforming.



swan

Trying to "Get There"

Topping from the bottom. To be accused of Topping from the bottom seems to me to be one of the worst things that can happen in the general day to day work of relating as a submissive and a slave. It has been, since the earliest days of this journey, been one thing that I've worked hard to avoid. Getting into behavior that directs things from my end takes the control out of His hands, and knowing, as I do, how He feels about becoming a "service top," I am even more reluctant to skirt that edge.

What that means, in practical terms, is that I very seldom offer anything much in terms of wants and wishes when it comes to the way we play. I don't know how to just float ideas out there without having them take on more weight than I really want them to have. So, it is unusual for me to do what I did a couple of weeks ago. I think I'd said something about feeling chilly, and He's offered to take me in the bedroom and "warm me up." In Master-speak, that points directly to a session with one or more paddles. I didn't even think about it, I replied, "You don't DO warm-ups -- at least not with me. The only people who get warm-ups and aftercare are newbies."

He didn't say much at all, and the whole conversation sort of faded away... Until this morning. This morning, our session was amazingly different than what has come to be the "norm." Usually, I barely get face down over the pillow (ass up) before He's wailing away with whatever. There isn't even time to get physically settled, much less mentally settled. Today, there was a warm -- a real, slow, step by step warm up. I had plenty of time to find the path, get on the path, and walk the path. It was amazing. It took me awhile to even notice what He was doing because I was so crunched down in my mind trying to prepare to cope with the usual onslaught. When I did notice, it just took my breath away.

Somewhere along the way, I felt my mind come to the understanding that what was happening was that, with the slower and more attentive pace He was setting, I was actually able to focus and gather my resources so that I could flow with the sensations He was creating.

I used to do that all the time. Back in the early days of our relating, I was much better at grabbing on to the rhythms and patterns and simply going with the energy. It is much more complicated now than it once was.

I find that I need time; time to hunt down the various yammering voices in my mind and quiet them; time to remember to breathe; time to focus on His touch and His scent and His breathing; time to quell the emotional storm that can rise up in me at the first twinges of real pain, and remember that there can be joy and pleasure in this if I can simply "get there."

It isn't a process that happens quickly for me anymore. Nothing happens quickly for me anymore. I can't rely on my sexual responses to kick in and carry me away. I have to follow a path that allows me to think my way through the beginnings of a session, chanting and breathing and deliberately maintaining a level of muscular relaxation, until my own response mechanisms can catch up. I've never been an easy masochist. I am not someone who drops into a space wher I easily convert painful stimuli into pleasurable sensations -- I will forever be envious of those folks! For me, pain just hurts a lot of the time. If I can capture the rhythm and the mood, and stay quiet in my own mind, I might, just maybe find my way to the joy I used to experience in all of this.

Having Him go more slowly, especially in the very beginning, makes a huge difference.

swan