565

There have been 394 posts here at The Heron Clan, and before that, 171 written at The Swan's Heart -- a total of 565 posts. With very few exceptions, those posts have been sincere and honest glimpses into my life, and our lives together. There is very, very little in all of that writing that would be considered to be silliness or "fluff" by any description. Thousands and thousands and thousands of words that have drawn the pictures of our days and laid out the dramas and dilemmas and simple moments that weave a life and a love that is different than what many understand as "normal."



I sometimes go back through the bits and pieces scattered across all those many posts, and I find myself a bit bemused by the voice that I find there. Sometimes the words flow, and I am pretty amazed at the elegance. Often they just pour out all over the place, and I am frankly stunned at how very raw they seem. All of them, however, are honestly mine -- written from the depths of my heart, without any pretense. I do not hide here. What you see on these pages is the truth as clearly as I can figure it out from wherever I am standing when the words flow from the ends of my fingers.



Silly. Scared. Angry. Joyful. Grieving. Crazy. Confident. Secure. Depressed. Jealous. Confused. Hopeful... All of those emotions and feelings spilled all over the place here, without much gloss and with very little effort to disguise who I am or what I am about. If I struggle, you will read it here, and if I soar, that too will show up right here.



It isn't always easy to follow the path that I and WE have chosen. This kind of loving can be a challenge. It isn't easy to love ONE person steadfastly and well. We do it as a triad, with the potential at EVERY moment for there to be additions to that mix. I'd doubt that there is one person in a thousand that has the kind of personal courage, strength, or integrity that it takes to build the kind of loving family that we have. I've never, ever once claimed that it was a path that is easy for me. I have never proclaimed that I am "naturally" inclined to poly. I've been clear that it was a construct that WE (and I) came to because it worked for us, given the place that we all found ourselves when our Love became a very clear reality. I have, on more than one occasion, been clear that I have roots in very traditional belief systems that still pull at me despite my intellectual understandings of the validity of what we pursue in our poly life. I am fully capable of running all sorts of BAD guilt raps on myself, by myself. Right here, out here, in the open for everyone to see.



So, there is really nothing in the kind of vitriolic nastiness that our dogged "anonymous" commenter likes to heap on me that I haven't already delved into on my own. There is surely not a single ORIGINAL thought in this drivel:

swan, it seems to me that you only tolerate poly because someone else was in the relationship when you muscled in. You entered an existing relationship and dear T accomodated you so isn't it time to "play it forward" and make space as has been made for you.

The only thing that "anonymous" manages that I don't is that he or she stays hidden. It is easy, I imagine, to spew venom when no one knows who you are; when you have no exposure. Of course, too, it reduces your words to just so much meaningless babble.



Sorry, anonymous, whatever your issue is, you don't have any hold on me. You have no sway. You don't show yourself, as yourself, so you cannot lay claim to stand in my world. Keep on leaving your angry stuff lying around here in the comments section. No one will stop you. Neither will we pay you the least mind...



swan