I Need

It was a long week.
Anytime that there has been correction and discipline between us, the days that follow are laden with the emotions that resonate from that intense kind of interaction. Disciplinary encounters carry great weight, and while they tend to draw me to Him emotionally, they also leave me feeling personally fragile and small. Until there is some more gentle coming together in the aftermath, I have a very hard time shaking off the grim cobwebs left from a corrective session.

And so it has been this week, as I have gone about the process of re-evaluating my own issues and my own fussing, I have yearned for the time when we would reconnect on the physical level, and move past the lingering edge of that last miserable spanking from last weekend. It has hung around in the background of all my awareness, throughout the week, and as I've slowly gotten my feet back under me, still the sorrow has remained. Late in the dark nights, as I've come awake, I've found myself lying there, staring into the blackness, replaying the awfulness of His anger with me, and grieving. So, I have not been sleeping well.

Yesterday, our usual morning play time was interrupted by a delivery of firewood. Then, last night, knowing that today's morning time would be severely curtailed because we all had to be off to different obligations, I was lying awake in the middle of the night; unable to sleep; unable to find a place of comfort or calm. I tossed and turned and struggled with the blankets, the sheets, the pillows. Minutes and hours passed in misery as sleep eluded me.

Eventually, He woke up enough to ask me if I was OK. I took a deep breath, and told Him that I needed a spanking -- told Him I needed something to stand in the place of the terrible spanking from last weekend...

And then I curled into His arms and went sound asleep.

Just at dawn, we awoke together, and He granted that middle of the night request: a wonderful, slow-building, thorough session with the paddle and the cane and the strap. No battle this time -- just a bonding and a cleansing.

A good start to a long day.

swan