I Really Want to Talk with Senator Barak Obama

I've been reading the book, The Audacity of Hope, written by now presidential candidate, Barak Obama, in 2006. It has taken me a good long while to read my way through the entirety of it -- I don't have long stretches of time to read, casually. I read what I need for my classes, and other "leisure" reading must happen "in the cracks." I often catch a paragraph or two in the bathroom, if you really want to know. So the business of making my way through anything of substance is a matter of dedication and patience and chipping away, bit by bit.

I don't agree with everything that Senator Obama thinks. I do like the WAY he thinks. I also like the way He learns. He seems open and willing to engage with those who have experience beyond the scope of his own. That, to me, seems like a valuable asset in one who seeks to assume the mantle of leadership for our nation and in the world.

In most of the places where I found myself wishing that I could sit the senator down and have a conversation to discuss points of "disagreement," the divergence isn't wide, and the issues aren't ones that are so close to my life that I feel personally at risk by the views that he holds. And then, I got very close to the end of the book which is where I found this...

But all in all , I have little sympathy for those who would enlist the government in the task of enforcing sexual morality. Like most Americans, I consider decisions about sex, marriage, divorce, and childbearing to be highly personal -- at the very core of our system of personal liberty. Where such personal decisions raise the prospect of significant harm to others -- as is true with child abuse, incest, bigamy, domestic violence, or failure to pay child support -- society has a right and duty to step in. (Those who believe in the personhood of the fetus would put abortion in htis category.) Beyond that, I have no interest in seeing the president, Congress, or a government bureaucracy regulating what goes on in America's bedrooms.

That is probably a set of views that seems utterly and completely reasonable to Senator Obama. It probably rings with a tone of sensible acceptance to the vast majority of mainstream, sort of liberal people across this country. On the face of it, there is almost nothing in that statement that a reasonable person could find fault with, and so what the heck?

But, I'm not one of the vast majority of mainstream people. Whatever I might look like, as I go about my day to day life, I do not fit the norm. I practice BDSM and I live in a polyamorous triad family, and so I want to ask the senator who would be president just how he views that list and particularly my lifestyle in relationship to that list.

Here's why --

There are some people, probably a very large number of people, who would view an awful lot of what I and we engage in within our sexual and erotic expression as verging on "domestic violence." Regardless of what I believe I have consented to within the context of my relationship with Master. I'm often left bruised, bloody, and welted after a session. Many times, there are tears. Sometimes, it isn't even something that I am happy about in the actual moment. I can be noisy about my protests. should one of our neighbors hear something that concerned them, and make a "well-intentioned" phone call to the local authorities, all hell could break loose with serious consequences for all of us. That's the reality that we live with every single day. It isn't abuse, but it could look like that to a casual or uninformed observer, and the law isn't always, or even often, on our side. If you don't know, or if you haven't been "in the lifestyle," it is easy to mistake the one thing for the other. I can understand that, but I can't feel "easy" when I think (even peripherally) that those who seek to lead in this country might think that my lifestyle is THE SAME as "domestic violence." I want to know that those seeking my vote have enough respect for me and others like me to at least enter the dialog before just lumping us all together in the same pile.

The other part of the list that makes me nervous is the fact that it incluces "bigamy." I understand that "bigamy" is very specifically defined within the laws, and is specifically illegal in every state. I also realize that we do not practice bigamy. Polyamory and bigamy are not the same. I wonder, though, if they are connected in the thinking of Senator Obama? I wonder if they are connected, in just the same ways, in the thinking of most average people? I suspect that there is far less conceptual distance between polyamory and bigamy for most people than the "formal" definitions would suggest to those of us who KNOW what the words mean really. Does my neighbor know the difference? Does my mother understand the difference? What about my employer? If the senator doesn't "get it," how likely is it that all those other regular folks are going to be able to understand the distinctions. And, if those distinctions are not clearly understood, then those of us who are not "coupled" in the traditional way are going to be regularly subjected to all manner of discriminatory rules, laws, and regulations -- because what we do might constitute some sort of "threat" to the fabric of the society.

So, should I take that throwaway list, at the very end of the good senator's book literally? Should I trust that he really means "domestic violence" and "bigamy?" Or should I go with my gut instinct and believe that he probably also would lump those of us who practice BDSM with those who perpetrate domestic violence, and those of us who practice polyamory with those who practice bigamy -- and then see us as part of a group of people whose "personal decisions raise the prospect of significant harm to others?"

I would like to trust in what I think is the impetus toward careful consideration that I sense in the man. I would like to believe that he really is as bright and good and genuinely kind-hearted as I think he might be. I want desperately to believe that the promise of something new for our country (after so long in the dark and the hate that has been the norm for so many years) might include those of us in the alternative community as well.

Is there any hope for substantial change in the political climate for us? Any chance that the hijacking of our constitutional liberties by the religious right might be reversed with what is beginning in this year's presidential contest? I make no secret of my leanings. There isn't a single one of the characters in the Republican field that I'd waste my time talking to, but I wonder about the folks on the nominally "reasonable" side of the divide... I would sure as heck like to talk to Senator Obama. Actually, I'd love the chance to sit each and all of them down and have a good, long chat with the whole bunch. Because after all, we are reasonable people... aren't we?

Could it be that the morning after the elections in November of 2008 could be hopeful rather than depressing? Please, someone -- tell me that could happen.

swan