Playing Together -- Switching

Playing together can be fun.  We haven't gotten into the "fun" part a whole lot in the last few years, but then our lives have been wrapped up in lots of other things that sapped our energies and diverted our focus.  Just recently, though, we've begun to regain that sense of playfulness that was once the cornerstone of our SM relatedness. 

Part of that shift back to a more playful style with each other has been the resurfacing of His desire and willingness to bottom some of the time.  That used to be a regular feature of our relating.  When I first came to Him, He liked to take the bottom role on a fairly regular basis; enjoyed the sensations I could create for Him; felt secure enough in His own power, and with me to simply let go and experience some of what might have been exclusively "my world."

When He first asked me to "top" Him, it created all sorts of qualms and questions and fears and worries.  I was "brought up" in a DD world, and in that world the consensus is generally that the HOH has to be "consistent."  A "true" HOH would never, having established the authority and right to be the leader in the family, give over that authority so as to allow himself to be spanked!  Inconceivable!  The notion that a secure and accomplished Dominant might want and enjoy the occasional opportunity to bottom just rattled my world. 

Along with that completely ridiculous baggage, I worried that I didn't have the skills -- I was truly afraid that I'd hurt Him.  Understanding that "hurt" is part of the deal in SM play didn't make me feel any more settled about the possibility that I could, with an errant hit, really injur Him.  I was, honestly, just a wreck over the whole thing. 

But, He was determined.  He wanted this.  I was His, and so...  I learned.  It wasn't as difficult as I imagined, and I mastered the techniques needed to become a pretty competent Top.  I was not ever a particularly sadistic Top, and in time, I learned that I could function in that role in a way that brought us both real pleasure.  We'd often play in tandem.  He'd play with me, and then I'd switch roles and play with Him.  It was a sort of circular exchange that was remarkably sensual and deeply connective. 

Then, He passed through a number of daunting health challenges including a knee replacement and progressing arthritis, spinal stenosis, the bariatric surgery and the bowel obstruction...  In all of that, in aging, in confronting a whole host of life stresses, He simply lost interest in bottoming with me or anyone.  I have missed it on some level...  More than once, I've told myself (as I struggled to hold on through a very difficult session) that He would understand better if He were still switching with me... 

So, I've been heartened in the last few weeks as He's began to circle around the idea of maybe wanting to be spanked -- just a little and nicely :-)  Heartened, but also skeptical.  As long as He was just poking at that idea, I've been sort of dismissive of the whole thing...  "Right.  You will let me know if and when You are actually ready to try that again, Sir."  Shrug. 

It was the night before last when, after I'd had Him on the massage table, after a really good backrub, He said to me, "I think you need to spank me." 

"Really?"  Yes.  And so, it was that we delved back into the intricacies of switching with one another.  There was lots of hand spanking, and some experimenting with a few, fairly light implements.  I also got out that round, BDSM logo paddle just so I could test out my perception of its shape with Him.  Did it seem "rectangular" to Him?  He didn't actually confirm my experience, but did postulate that it was about only perceiving the portion of it that actually lands on your butt...  I guess that makes sense.

He liked it.  Enjoyed it.  Felt happy afterwards.  So, maybe, once again, He and I will find our way into the intimacy of switching sadomasochistically now and then. 

swan