Still, there is an interesting twist to the day for us. It puts us into a situation where many, many people just assume, looking at the three of us, that T and I are somehow lesbian, or at the very least, bisexual. We find ourselves feeling it almost necessary to declare the "who" of what we are, and for some reason, that declaration almost always shows up as a negative rather than a positive.
It isn't sufficient to simply say that we are "heterosexual." People tend to assume that we are lying or in denial when we say that. After all, we are self-identified poly people, and everyone knows that to be "truly" poly, people have to be bi -- or at least bi-curious. How can the three of us, and especially the two of us (T and I) be straight??? How!??!? After all, bisexuality is the new black; everybody is doing it. T and I might be the only two purely and avowed straight women in America.
It gets back to the ongoing argument about whether one can have a poly relationship that is not overtly sexual. We say, "yes," but we tend to find ourselves in a distinct minority. Ahhhh, well. We are what we are, and that is heterosexual. Not bisexual, and not bi-curious.
We'll be there at the parade in a couple of weeks, marching for the rights of all adult people to be exactly who they are, and to love exactly as they choose. That would include even us -- poor, mis-guided heterosexual and poly types.
swan
Even though I haven't been particularly happy in this arrangement here, I too have been living with another woman with no interest in each other at all, only in our man.
ReplyDeleteThe sense of family that a few times have passed between the three of us feels lovely to me. I wish it was something that was sustainable with the woman I'm in family with.
It has made me realize that I'd jump into this again easily with the right woman.
I agree that we are poly without sex between her and I.
My mate has a t-shirt our ex-girlfriend and I bought him at Cincy Pride a couple of years ago "I'm not gay, but my girlfriend is" - he tends to wear it whenever we go to events where a large contingent of gay folks are likely to show up ('cause he actually *needs* that sign - he's so secure in himself he tends to ping people's gaydar, but he really is the "flaming heterosexual" he claims to be). :)
ReplyDeleteAnd we will once again be walking in the Cincy Pride parade with the big blue blob that is Fifth Third's 1/10 @ 5/3 GLBT Resource group plus their family and friends. I expect my kids will be walking along with us again, too. This year it's downtown, over the July 4th weekend.
I have often felt like I have to be 'in the closet' about being a spanko. I guess that makes me feel that what adults do in their home is always alright. You know I'm usually a lurker here but it never even occurred to me you might be gay. But as the mother of a gay son I really appreciate you being in the gay pride parade.
ReplyDeletePK