Who's Who and What's What?

The recent conversations about "roles" and "orientations" within the BDSM lifestyle points to what is a pretty pervasive blurring of the meanings of the various labels we use to describe who we are and what we do.  Describing and explaining or defining our various proclivities and permutations is not something new.  Lots of this kind of work has been done by others -- nearly all of it better than what I'll manage to put together.  Perspectives on this subject vary depending on gender and orientation.  The gay leather community looks at it in somewhat different terms than het folks do.  The graphic that I've used here, and some of the technical inspiration for this post are from Linguessa.  I'm not sure how much clarity I can add to this perennial discussion, but here goes...

Notice that the graphic is 2-dimensional.  It includes three power orientations:  Dominant, switch, and submissive.  Too, it considers three ways of being sexual or erotic:  Top, switch, bottom.  Given the limits of the format, it does not include any reference to the spectrum of sadomasochistic sexual expression, so there is no consideration of the components that might be characterized as sadist, vanilla, and masochist.

Simply, the labels Top, switch, and bottom, refer to sexual preferences, and in some contexts refer to the very literal sexual positioning of the partners.  It is language that does not originate in the BDSM community, but has its roots in the gay community.  In that context, the top is the person who "gives" and the bottom is the one who "receives."  The word "top" does not describe which partner is more dominant or more masculine (although it sometimes equates to "husband"), and the word "bottom" does not necessarily indicate which partner is more submissive or more effeminate (although it might equate to "wife").  When talking about gay sex, it is more usual to refer to someone who "goes either way" as versatile rather than calling them a switch although the terms are used interchangeably.  Whatever the sexual activity, whether it be some form of intercourse, or some form of sadomasochism, or some sort of sensual/pleasure oriented interaction, if one partner initiates and directs the action and another is receptive and follows the lead, then there is a "Top" and a "bottom."   

Every human interaction also includes power dynamics.  Within the BDSM community, people tend to identify the power and energy flows within their relationships, and sometimes they deliberately manipulate those dynamics for the mutual gratification of the partners.  In that context, the labels that people use are intended to describe who takes and holds the power and who relinquishes power.  Hence, a Dominant receives the power and is given the right to control within the relationship, while a submissive voluntarily gives up the power and control.  There is no prescribed set of activities which might encompass or manifest this power exchange.  BDSM includes a wide range of possible practices that allow individual partners to explore the ebbs and flow of power between them. 

Since each person in a relationship will have some natural inclination to locate along the continuum between top and bottom AND also along the continuum from dominant to submissive, it is possible to find Dominants who are also inclined to bottom, and submissives who act in the role of top.  Too, there really are those who readily, easily, and regularly switch.  The strict and rigid delineations that are commonly described in most people's ordinary discourse about the lifestyle are not nearly as solid as we sometimes thing that they are.  There are people who are naturally at the extremes of the scales, and others who tend to fall more along the middle of the range. 

Add the variants from the sadomasochistic axis to the mix, and things get even more complex and, perhaps, more interesting.  I've known masochists who were entirely toppy in their play style, and sadists who tended toward the submissive end of things.  There are no end of variants and gradations.  Once again, the labels help us to communicate, but only if we insist that the labels are "aids to understanding" and not the whole story.  Ever.

swan