No Fairy

All my life, I've listened to stories of fairies and sometimes good witches, who would come into the lives of humans and wave their wands, or weave their spells, and bestow some gift or magic fix. I remember, as a child, an old illustrated anthology of fairy tales that I read and reread. I studied the gently colored illustrations, searching out the details that would somehow reveal the secrets of the elusive magic...

Sleeping Beauty had her fairy-bestowed blessings on the day of her birth. Cinderella had her fairy godmother to assure her entree to the ball. Even Dorothy in the land of Oz had Glinda the Good Witch to ease her way in the face of the forces of evil.

I've gotta tell you, I'd give plenty for just one halfway competent fairy on the job just now. Just one little winged sprite with a wand who could wave some magic spell into being and make the fix happen that would ease the path that lies ahead of me and us. Because, frankly, I am frustrated and terribly impatient with the progress (or more accurately lack of progress) being made on the sexual function/dysfunction front.

I know that there is great hope and great promise in working with this urologist/women's sexual health specialist. I know that I should be excited and thrilled with Master's having found him for me. I know that I need to simply calm down and be patient with the process for all of this. I know that it is going to take some very delicate and complex balancing and adjusting and probably intense "science."

But I'm not feeling patient.

Last weekend was difficult. At the outset especially. I wanted our new "stuff" to work miracles, and of course, it didn't. That frustrated me and made me angry. I want this fixed, and at some deep, wordless, illogical, totally needy level, I want Master to fix it.

That He does not have the magic, fairy wand that will make that happen "bends" me in ways that I know are completely unreasonable. And knowing that I am being unreasonable is not helping me to feel anymore reasonable.

I have to wait this out. I will.

But still....

swan