M/s Under Stress -- This is How We Do it

I've long held to the view that there is way more to true power-based relating than the hot and spicy, sexy, flashy, "stand and model" interactions that so fuel the imaginings of those "outside" our lifestyle. I am sometimes perplexed by those who report that, when life becomes stressful or challenging, the power exchange aspects of the relationship fade into the background. It seems that there is a prevailing view that this thing we do is only for the good times, and cannot be carried into those parts of our lives that are not sunny and light. I've never believed that was the truth, and having lived through the last 7 or 8 days and nights, I am even more convinced that our way of life is durable enough and functional enough to carry us through whatever may come our way.

We are in a passage that has Master feeling terribly ill. Recovering from His surgery and the infections that have ensued has been far from smooth or easy. He is weak and frustrated and sad. He is in nearly constant pain. He remains, for me, "Master." I remain, for Him, "slave." We cannot play, but our relationship is firmly grounded on the solid rock of our understandings and committments.

Service, in these difficult days, is even more vital, even more appreciated, even more needed than it is when He is well and strong. I have carried endless pitchers of ice; poured cup after cup of juice and tea and cool water. I've cleaned up the messes -- the vomit, the urine, the feces, the pus. I've bathed Him, kept clean linen on His bed, fluffed His pillows, straightened His blankets. I've opened and closed the window to His room, and adjusted the fan -- now on, now off, now on again. I've watched the care He is given and questioned when I didn't understand or didn't like what I was seeing -- keeping a running list in my head of the medications, the vital signs, the visible extent of the infection, the foods consumed (or not). It isn't my role to play "cheerleader," but it is important that I am there with Him, believing in what He cannot presently see of the future, supporting, holding, listening, advocating.

Now that school has started up again, I am rising from sleep just after 4 AM. I get a quick shower and dress for school before the doctors and nurses begin stirring around. I get Him all set up and arranged for the day. I listen carefully to what the doctors might say at morning rounds. I grab a yogurt and a piece of fruit from the hospital cafeteria, and head for school. When my teaching day is done, I am headed back to the hospital, or somedays like today, I'll head home to tend to chores there before I go to the hospital. I spend the evening doing whatever it is that He wants; whatever will help Him to heal and regain His strength. I straighten and tidy and put away all the detritus of the day, tuck Him into His bed, and settle down to sleep in the recliner beside Him. Whatever He needs through the night, I am there and able to help.

I know there is a big part of our lives that is not possible for us. The intimacy that we so enjoy when we are both well, is necessarily on hold for the time being. That will come back in due time. For now, it is enough that He is cared for, loved, and supported through all of this.

swan