So I'll Remember

We have not been playing these last few weeks. We've been very preoccupied, and for some significant part of this stretch, He hasn't felt especially well or vibrant.

We haven't talked about it much. He commented about a week ago, that He'd read somewhere that severe caloric restriction kills the libido. Maybe so. I have simply focused on trying to serve, trying to keep things calm here, trying not to make demands or increase the tension levels.

Waking up this morning, knowing it was our last morning before surgery, I was resigned to the likelihood that we'd probably not be going there today either. I was feeling sad, feeling scared, feeling already lonely and small.

So, when He woke up and wanted to play, I was thrilled, but also afraid. My emotions have been under such a tight rein these last weeks, that I was worried that the intensity of SM play would bring them boiling to the surface.

He wanted to play with our new spreader bar. We've had it since Winter Wickedness, but hadn't had it out to play yet. So, when He was ready, I rounded up all the cuffs, the pillow, the spreader bar. Once I was in place over the trusty pillow, He proceeded to hook me up, and with my face buried in my little, squishy, red neck pillow, we were on our way. He did some hand spanking, some caning, the red paddle (of course), the 5-fingered tawse, more red paddle, the dressage whip, and the single tail... oh, and more red paddle at the end.

I cried. I begged. And, yes, some of my fear about the pending surgeries did bubble to the surface. He was right there. Settling me and soothing me, and then taking me on further on the path He had in mind. The spreader bar worked just fine, thank you very much. We finished, and we made love and it was good.

I imagine I'll remember, quite vividly, just who I belong to as I wait for Him and T in the hospital tomorrow morning. I am feeling warm, stronger, safe, better equipped to make the journey ahead.

Thank You, Sir.

swan