Adjusting

The school year started yesterday. My newest class arrived promptly at 8:00, and we launched into the adventure that is a new school year.

This group comes with a reputation for being ill-mannered and difficult. The teachers that worked with them last year ended feeling very negative about this group of children. Hearing their daily complaints about these students, and knowing that they would be "mine" this year, I spent a fair amount of time extablishing the rudiments of relationships with many of them as I encountered them on the playground and in the halls. So, they are not an entirely blank slate...

Two days in, I am finding them cooperative and interesting. There have been some minor behaviors that have needed to be addressed, but nothing that seems out of the ordinary for people who are mostly 11 years of age. In general, they seem very much like a bunch of exuberant, and not particularly well socialized puppies. There are some definite wrinkles in this crowd... but I am excited and looking forward to a good year for them and for me.

That's the good news.

On other fronts, things are challenging.

There is very little new to share about T's mom. She remains largely unresponsive, although T suspects that she is over-medicated with vicoden, and perhaps not able to be coherent, aware, and interactive. T and her brother are beginning to confront the legal issues related to taking care of mom's affairs. There is no power of attorney and that will likely necessitate a process of establishing someone as "guardian." It is emotionally complicated and painful. Things are not going easily.

Our daily summer walks have ended. He is walking on His own in the mornings now. His I-pod provides the companionship, and His times have improved as He walks alone. Because I had an evening meeting yesterday, I came home in the afternoon and tried to walk on the treadmill. I got 41 minutes in, and then fell off the cursed thing. I twisted my ankle, and so am not walking tonight... Blech!

He spent some time yesterday, while I was gone, practicing with the various whips. There is really nothing much to say about that. I've said too much on the subject already.

Days that begin at 5:30 leave little time or energy for the other stuff. He's taking care of Himself these days... the best I can do is fix His breakfast and His lunch. For the rest of it -- it is out of my control. I feel like I settled into the summer this year in a way that was much deeper than I have in years past. Leaving each day feels really bad. It is like I am abandoning Him, and abandoning territory that had come to feel like "mine." Now, again, for the next nine or ten months, it is all up for grabs. I can't change any of it. I am torn, and it feels exhausting.

swan